My version of OOT
by JoeyHyrulesHero
Summary: Like the title says this is my version of OOT. I have rewritten chapter 8 because of some issues... THE STORY IS FINALLY COMPLEATED! Plz R&R.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda I wish I did.

Ok this is my first story I hope you like it R&R

Joey: This is a re-posting of my First chapter so this was back when my grammar sucked… im too lazy to fix it.

Chapter:1

DekuTree: Navi come hither.

Navi: No.

DekuTree: Navi I said come hither.

Navi: Well is said no!

DekuTree: Navi come hither right now!

Navi: Alright. What do you want?

DekuTree:You must go find the little boy without a fairy.

Navi: No not him pleaseI don't wanna be his fairy.

DekuTree: Well to bad you have to bye.

Navi:Awww man well guess I better get going. flies off

Navi:hmmmm now what did his house look like again? Oh yea over there.

Navi runs into the fence THUD!

Navie: OWWWWIEEEE that hurt. I gotta cut down on the beer.

Navi: Ahh there it is.flies into links house

Link: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Navi: Uhh ok wake up.

Link:ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Navi:Wake up now!

Link:ZZZZZZZNO NOT IN THE BUTT!ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Navi: ooooooohhhhhhkkkkaaaaayyyyyy.

Navi: I was hopeing I wouldent have to do this but. HEY,LISTEN!

Link: huh who said that.

Navi: Up here!

Link:looks up

Link: ooooooo flying candy!

Navi: huh?

Link: stuffs navi into his mouth

Navi voice muffled:IM NOT CANDY LET ME OUT!

Link: Its alive!

Link:spits navi out

Navi all slobbery: ewwww NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!

Link:uhh ok.

Navi:Ok well the Deku Tree has summoned you.

Link: you mean the really big tree that talks?

Navi: Uhh yea well go with that.

Link: ok lets go!

they walk outside

Saria: Hi Link!

Link:Hey Ive got something to show you ill be right down.

Link:starts to climb down the ladder

Navi: Hey,Listen!

Link:falls down the ladder AHHHHHHH!

Link: OOOOWWWIIIIEEEEE!

Navi: HAHA!

Saria: Hehe

Link: Look I got a fairy!

Navi:…….

Saria: So a fairy finally came to you. That's great!

Link: well I got to go the Deku Tree summoned me.Bye!

Saria: uhhh Bye!

Link: ok witch way is it?

Navi: Its that way.

Link: ok lets go.

They get there.

Mido:stands in links way

Link: let me through .

Mido:NO mr.NoFairy.

Link: I do have a fairy. Hey Navi! Huh? Whered ya go.

Navi:comes out of link hat What?

Mido:HOLY CRAP YOU DO HAVE A FAIRY!

Link:Told ya.

Mido: Well you still cant go through.

Link: WHY NOT?

Mido: Uhhh you need a sword and shield first.

Link: well I don't see your sword and shield.

Mido:ummm Well I don't exactly have my equiptment ready.

Link: Riiigggghhhttttt

Navi: Well lets go find a sword and shield.

Link:ok hey where are we going to get a sword?I know that the stor sells shields.

Navi: theres a sword around here somewhere.

Link: ok lets look.

After 6 hours of searching.

Link: Where is the sword!

Navi: well I think it might be in there.points to big neon sign that says Kikori Sword in here!

Link: oh.

They go to the hole.

Navi: its in there.

Link: uhh ok. crawls through the hole

Link: ewww Now im all covered in spiderwebs. spits a spider out of his mouth

Navi:Yuck!

Link: ok lets go left.

Boulder: Look out cant stop!

Link: what the gets smashed by boulder ow

Navi: HAHAH……..gets smashed by a flying boulder ow

Link: ok now lets go this way.finds the chest

Navie: maybe its in there.

Link: ok Opens the chest oooooooo shiny! takes out the kikori sword

Navi:now that we have the sword lets go get the shield.

Link:ok.

Navi:You gotta go through the hole again.

Link: awwww man!

goes through the hole

Link: ok there is the shop.

Girl sitting on shop: Hey Link use the Z but….gets hit by a rock

Link: haha BULLESEYE!

they go into the shop

Link: hey I want a shield.

Shopkeeper: its 40 rupees.

Link: 40 rupees!

Shopkeeper:yep

Link: no way draws sword gimmie the shield!

SK:ok ok ok here take it!

Navi: you didn't have to do that.

Link: yes I did.

Navi: whatever

Mido get in links way

Link: that's it blinds Mido with a deku nut

Navi:whered you get that!

Link: plothole

Navi: ok

they go to DekuTree

Link: Hi you wanted to see me.

DekuTree: Oh yea. You like the candy I sent you?

Link: what candy!

DT: There looks at Navi

Navi: WHAT?

Link: So you where candy!

Navi: now just wait a mini….

Link:eats Navi Eww didnt taste like candy.

8 hours later

Navi: THAT WAS THE WORST THING IVE EVER EXPIERENCED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!

DT: Hey howd you get out!

Navi: You don't wanna know.

DT: well first of all a man put a curse on me.

Link: gasp!

DT: And I need you to go inside me and destroy the curse.

Link: What! Well ok if it will help you.

DTopens his mouth

Navi: look out for his breath it kills.

Link: thanks.

DT: Navi you go with Link

Navi: What get eaten again NO WAY!

DT: DO IT NAVI!

Navi: ok.

Link: ok lets go.

Navi: here we go again.

TO BE CONTINUED!

Well how do you like it so far? Like it said near the top this is a re-posting this is the only chapter im gonna do because it will most likely get Deleted but if you want to see my whole story go to my Bio and the Link to a site should be there. -Joey


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Well I haven't gotten around to writing the next chapter lately so now I'm writing it!

Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda….. ok…. You can go now………GO!……..

Chapter 2.

Link:takes off gasmask You where right about the Deku Trees breath Navi.

Navi:takes off her gasmask I know he never brushes his teeth.

Link: that's probably why he doesn't have any.

Navi: Well lets get going.

Link: ok. looks around WOW this place is huge! Where do we go first?

Navi: Lets go up these vines.

Link: ok you shure they don't look veary safe….

Navi: Trust me.

Link: ok starts climbing up the vines

The vines snap.

Link: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THUD OWWWWWWWIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Navi: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Link: UGH NOW HOW DO I GET UP!

And unseen force pushes Link up

Link: WHOA COOL!

Navi: uhh ookkkkkk

Link: lets go

Walk into the room with the slingshot

Link: Hey look a chest! goes over to it

Navi: open it!

Link: ok hold on! opens the chest ooooooooooooooooo SHINY! drools

Mysterious voice: you got the fairy slingshot!

Navi: why do they call it a fairy slingshot?

Link: lemme show you grabs Navi loads her into the slingshot

Navi: NOOOOOOOOOO

Link:fires

Navi:flys across the room and hits the the ladder on the wall

Link: COOL um I mean I knew that was there the whole time!

Navi: rubs head riiiiiggghhhtttttt

They walk out.

Navi: hey link bet ya can't hit that heary in the air over there.

Link: ok ill try walks over to the edge

Navi: pushes link off hehe

Link: AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH lands on a torch AHHHHHHHHHH HOT HOT HOT! deku shield and slingshot burn up NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Navi: oh crap didn't want that to happen… wait I think I did… hehe…… suddenly gets hit by a bolt of lightning OWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Author: appears

Link: who are you?

JoeyHyrulesHero: Im the author JoeyHyrulesHero but you can call me Joey.

Link:Ok then why are you here?

Joey:Well since you lost your shield and slingshot I thaught id give you new ones. snaps

Link:shield and slingshot appear in hand COOL HOWD YOU DO THAT!

Joey: Author powers….

Link: where you the one that shocked Navi like that?

Joey: yep

Link: COOL!

Joey: well gotta go… oh one more thing snaps

Navi: suddenly bursts into flames AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Joey: HAHA oh and Link.

Link: yea?

Joey: Yours hat is on fire. dissapers

Link: WHAT! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Navi: twitch

Link: jumps into the water

Navi: Link….. that's not water…

Link: THEN WHAT IS IT?

Navi: Well what do you think is in your stomach?

Link: stomach aci…….OOOOOooooohhhhhh AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Navi: HHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Link: gets out NOW I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL!

Navi: YEA!

Link: well you still need to pay for that.

Navi: uh oh

Link: eats Navi MMMMMMMMmmmmmmmm TASTY!

Link: well ill go on while she trys to get out. OOOOOOHhhhhhhhh a STICK! picks it up hmm Oh its on FIRE! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH throws it.

Flaming Stick:lights web on fire

Link: whoa I knew that. goes into the next room

Navi: NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!

Link: oh you got out ok.

Navi: YEA……

Link: Hey Navi why does the deku tree have torches in him in the first place?

Navi: Heartburn.

Link: oh.

They go to through the next few rooms.

Link: hey look 3 Deku Scrubs!

DS1: You wanna fight queen Gohma?

Link:Yea

DS1: ok go on in.

Link: wait hmmmm…. Why don't you fight her? throws deku scrubs into the Queens Room

Immense screams of pain are heard.

Link&Navi in unison: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!1

They go in

Link: draws his sword HEY QUIEENIE!

QueenGohma: HELLO

Link: come down here and fight.

QG: ok falls off ceiling OWCH!

Link: HAHA

QG: NOW YOU WILL DIE!

Link: I don't think so takes Navi puts her in the slingshot and shoots Navi at QG

QG: eats Navi AHHH ACK ACK ACK chokes to death

Link: ok walks up to QG HIYA!cuts open queen gohma

Blood and guts go flying everywhere.

Navi: LINK STOP THAT!

Link: HEHE

Navi:Gets hit by a lightning bolt twitch

Joey: IM BACK!

Link: HI. Uhh how do we get out?

Joey: well you gotta take that heart container and go into that blue shiny thing.

Link: uhh ok are you shure.

Joey: trust me its "Painless"

Link: ok goes into the portal.

Screams of Intense pain are heard throughout the room.

Joey: owch hehe. dissapears

Outside the DT

Link:ok now what?

DT: ok now I have to tell you a really long story..

Link: uhhhhhhh

10 hours pass

DT: and that's it

Link:ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…………………… What HUH? Ok cya.

DT: wait take this gives him the forest emerald

Link: CANDY! eats it

Navi: well at least its safe in there..

Link: ok he said something about going to see the princess.

Navi: ok lets go

Link: walks out onto the bridge

Saria: So your leaveing?

Link: uhh yea.

Saria: well take this youll need it.

Link:ok thanks

Ocarina: YOU GOT THE FAIRY OCARINA!

Link: am I the only one that herd the ocarina talk?

Navi&Saria: Yes

Link: uhh ok runs off

In Hyrule Field

Link: HEY LOOK AN OWL!

Owl: BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH keeps repeating

Link: HUH?

Navi: HEY LISTEN HEY LISTEN HEY LISTEN! Continually repeats

8-hourst later

Owl: BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

Navi: HEY LISTEN HEY LISTEN HEY LISTEN

Link: MAKE IT STOP! starts foaming at the mouth takes navi puts her in slingshot and fires her at owl

Owl: BLAH BLAH BLA…….. eats Navi AHHH ACK ACK ACK choaks to death

Link: HAHAHAHAHA wipes foam off ok lets go!

Navi:comes out of the Owl WAIT FOR ME!

What will happen to Link? Will Navi get Eaten again? Will the Owl comeback? When will I stop asking questions? I don't know find out in the next chapter!

AN: Well I hoped you liked it so far Ill get chapter 3 up soon.


	3. Chapter 3

A/NHey….. WHOA! ducks as random heavy objects fly over head uhhh DON'T HURT ME! Sorry about the loooonnnnnnnnngggggggg wait I'm very forgetful. What was I doing again? Oh yea! Well here's chapter 3 R&R!

Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda but I do own almost every Zelda game made.

Chapter 3 meeting Zelda

Link: ok now where are we going again?

Navi: I think we where going to see princess Zelda.

Link: oh yea we where!

Samus ship appears and Samus comes out.

Samus: takes of helmet off and reveals Him/Herself to be Joey.

Joey: HI

Link: what is that?

Joey: a new toy

Link: where did you get it?

Joey: uhhhh nowhere.

On Zebes

Samus running around without suit on : Crap where did it go?

Random monster: HEY A STRIPPER!

Samus: hey wait a minit!

Other monsters: STRIPPER! start throwing money at samus

Samus: oh well starts to dance li8ke a stripper

Back in Hyrule

Link: watching a TV with samus stripping on it. drool

Navi: Hey why are you watching her when I can do that too? starts to strip

Link: NOOOOOO MY EYES THEY BURN! covers eyes

Navi: gets blasted by strange blue radioactive material AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Joey: gun in phazon beam form and smoking uhh starts whistling

Link: thank god

Joey: well I just wanted to know if I could follow you guys for a bit?

Link: ok

Navi: burnt uhhh im not so shure about tha…..

Joey: turns gun into phazon form you shure?

Navi: OK OK you can come.

Joey: good

Link: well lets go

They reach the castle

Turns dark

Castle gate comes up

Link: oh great

Navi: that's not good

Joey: turns gun into plasma beam form they will be comeing soon.

Link: who

Skeliton things pop up out of the ground

Joey: them shoots skeliton

Skeliton: Bursts into flames AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Other skelitons: RUN AWAY

Link: well that wasent so bad

Castle gate opens

Link: well lets go.

They reach the gate

Link: Damn the guard wont let us in

Navi: hey watch your mouth!

Link: why? The deku tree made up the rules now that hes dead I can do what I want now.

Navi: oh ok.

Joey: so he wont let us in?

Link: yea

Joey: ok ill get us in walks up to guard

Guard: HALT! You cannot enter

Joey: oh really… knocks guard out with his gun now to get this gate open drops a superbomb HIT THE DIRT!

Link&Navi: OH SHIT!

Bomb blows gate open and Navi gets caught in the explosion.

Navi: OWWWWWIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Link&Joey: Laugh Hysterically

Link: Well lets go in.

They get to talon sleeping

Link: ewww WHATS THAT!

Joey: I dunno……lets move it out of the way

Link: Ok

Link&Joey: push Talon off

Link: ok lets go in crawls through hole

Joey: HEY WAIT turns into morphball and goes throuth the hole

Link: we gotta get past the guards

Joey: ok walks right by the guards

Link: whoa well ok walks by the guards

They get to zelda

Joey: well there she is.

Link: drools she's pretty.

Navi: flys by a window

Link: HEY IM GOIND FIRST shoots a deku nut at navi but hits the window shit missed

Guard: HEY KID STOP DISTURBING THE PEACE! throws a bomb

Link: oh no you don't hits the bomb back with a deku stick

Guard: OH SHIT WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME! blows up

Guts and bone go flying everywhere

Zelda: turns around eating some candy Hey howd you get past the guards

Link: well they are all pritty much blind. notices Zelda has candy CANDY! jumps at Zelda

Zelda: Crap ITS MINE! puts candy in mouth

Link: AHHHHHHHHH trys to pry Zeldas mouth open but fails

Link: NOOOOOOO Time for drastic measures. French kisses Zelda

Zelda: Oo swallows candy

Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO crams Navi down zeldas throat GO GET IT!

Joey: Rolling on the floor laughing

Navi: flys out Zeldas ass HEY

Link: Oh no you don't! Smacks Navi with a deku stick

Navi: shoots backwards back into Zeldas ass

Zelda: HEYY…………………..That feels prittey good :)

Joey: Oo

Link: Oo

Joey: Uhh lets go

Link: yea

Impa: Hey you will learn this song that I play by whistling that sounds oddly like a ocarina.

Link: uhhhh ok plays song

Ocarina: YOU LEARNED ZELDAS LULLABY

Link: did I just hear that talk again?

Joey&Impa: yes

Link: oh well

Impa: well ill take you out

Link: ok

To be continued

A/N Well how you like it so far?Well the wait for chapter 4 wont be as long. Oh yea thanks to Hyrules Heroine for the review. See Ya


	4. Chapter 4

Joey: Hi its me again!

Crowd: YAY

Joey: told ya the wait wouldn't be so long

Samus (only in panties no bra): THERE YOU ARE!

Joey: stares ooooooooo drools

Samus: what? What are you looking at?

Joey: those points and samus' boobs

Samus: OOPS FORGOT TO CHANGE blushes and runs off

Joey: well ok ON TO DA STORY!

Disclaimer: I don't own zelda or metroid but I do own copies of the game

Chapter 4

(evryone appears outside hyrule market)

Impa: ok now you must go to goron mountain go the kakriko village bye bye (disappears)

Link: uhh ok

Joey: well lets go

Navi: ok

Turns night

Joey: I guess wed better camp out

Link: ok

( after they set up camp )

Joey: im hungry LINK make me a sandwich

Link: whatsa sandwich? Whatever it is im not your slave!

Joey: walks up to link and waves hand infront of links face you will make me a sandwich

Link: in a trance I will make you a sandwitch ** walks off **

**Navi**: how the hell did you do that?

Link: heres your sandwich

Navi: whered you get the meat for that?

Malon running out of lonlon ranch: LINK GIVE BESSY BACK!

Joey: LETS GO NOW!

Link: OK!

they run to kakriko

Guard: halt you may not pass

Joey: not again drops a superbomb near gate

Link: SHIT HIT THE DIRT!

bomb blows up

Link: lets go!

they get up the mountain

Link: look there is a opening in the wall

Joey: that leads to goron city

Link: ok that's where impa told us to go

They enter

Link: ooooooooo stands on carpet

Carpet: PLAY ZELDAS LULLABY TO OPEN THE DOOR FUCKER

Link: uhh ok plays song

They go to daruna

Link: ok we need the gorons ruby give it

Daruna: you got to make me happy first

Link: uhh ok

Link plays multiple songs on his ocarina

Link: damn nonof em work

Joey: pulls out a boombox turns it on polka music starts to play

Link: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH plugs his ears make it stop!

Daruna: (begins to dance like a retard) THAT'S A HOT BEAT! HOT HOT HOT

Link: okayyyyyyyy

Daruna: here take these gives link the gorons bracelet that will let you in dodongo cavern and kill the dodongos and I will give you the ruby

Link: ok sounds easy!

Joey: Reading the guide yea right chuckles

Link: well lets go

Joey: ok

They go outside

Link: theres the rock to get into the cavern.

Joey: still reading guide you gotta blow it up

Link: ok

Joey: wait lemme do it drops superbomb

Link: HIT THE DIRT!

Navi: whaaa? gets caught in the explosion owwww

Link: well here we go

Joey: CHARGE! calvery theme plays

Navi???????

END

Joey: well was that good?

Navi: YAY I DIDN'T GET EATEN THIS CHAPTER!

Joey: oops forgot

Link: leave it to me eats navi

Joey: well ill be back soon please R&R


	5. Chapter 5

Joey: Hi its me again!

Samus (dressed in the blue jumpsuit from Zero mission): There I found you again! Give it back! (Aims energy pistol)

Joey: (laughs) no!

Samus: (fires pistol)

Joey: (shot bounces off power armor) hehe

Samus: crap………

Joey: takes out a jar with a metroid in it

Samus: double crap

Joey: opens jar go get her!

Samus: SHIT runs like hell

Joey: ok now onto the story! Oh yea this is a re-make of my story you may have noticed that the actions are not put separate from the words so it looks like shit. But the actual file has them separated by parentheses. To read the whole story and the good version check my Bio for the website.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that I decide to put in this story that doesent belong to me.

Chapter 5 dodongo cavern

Link: damn its hot in here

Joey: I cant tell I have a varia suit

Link: lucky

Joey: hehe

Link: well I think we should go that way!

Joey: (reading guide) yep that's the right way!

They come out of the room

Link: all black YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME THOSE THINGS EXPLODED!

Joey: oops forgot hehe

Link: your evil

Joey: yep: )

lizfols screetching 

Link: what the fuck

Joey: they came from that room

Link: uhhh oookkk lets go

In da next room

Link: whoa its really hot in here

Joey: uuuhhhh it is? ( A/N remember I got samus' suit its completely resistant to lava, heat , and phazon)

Link: uhh I get sick if I get too hot (throws up)

Joey: ewwwwww

Navi: (in da throw up) STOP EATING ME!

Lizfold jumps onto the platform slips of the puke and falls into da lava

EoE(laughing histarically)

Second lizfold jumps onto the platform

Link: ive always wanted to try this (snaps fingers)

Lizfold: (gets struck by lightning)

Joey!!!! HEY ONLY I CAN DO DAT!

Link: sweet!

Navi: crap now im stuck with 2 people that can shock me at any time

Link: yep (shocks navi) hehe that is fun!

Joey: well moving on

in the room with the piller shurrounded by bomb plants 

Link: now what

Joey: (reading guide) you gotta drop a bombflower in the middle of the 2 rows

Link: ok (throws a bomb flower) (bomb flower misses and hits navi) oops hehe

Navi: YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE!

Link: duh

Joey: ok lets get the piller down

Link: k (throws nother flower)

Piller blows up and makes stairs

Link: cool!

Joey: lets go

In the room with da bombs

Link: (jumps gap and opens chest) ooooooooooo BOMBS YAY! ( dances like daruna) BOMBS YAYAYAY

Joey: they r just bombs no big deal

Link: well you've had bombs the whole time I just got some! YAY!

Navi: now im stuck with 2 people that can blow me up at will

Link&Joey: YEP!

Navi: well lets go

Back in the main room

Joey: throw bombs that the eyes of the dead dodongo

Link: I cant make it that far

Joey: gimme yer damn bombs (loads 2 of em into the arm cannon) (fires)

Both bombs hit the eyes

Mouth opens

Link: cool! Well lets go

Navi: great im gonna get eaten AGAIN!by a dead dodongo

Joey: so?

Navi: --

In the dead dodongo

Joey: ok we gotta go in that door

Link: how we get in?

Joey: you gotta push that block onto the buttion.

Link: ok but just to save time ( drops Hylian shield on the switch)

Switch goes down

Joey: damn that one heavy shield!

Link: yer tellin me!

Joey: well lets go

inside boss room 

Link: wheres the boss?

Joey: you gotta blow a hole in the center of the room

Link: oh! ( blows up the center)

Joey: now we go down the hole

Link: uhh ok (looks in the hole) it looks a bit far are you shure we wont get hur

Joey: (pushes him down the hole) hehe

Link: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Joey: (jumps and does a number of different flips in the air and falls down hole)

Link: well wheres the boss

Joey: look behind you

Link: (looks) HOLY SHITBALLS!

King Dodongo: ROOOOOOOOAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR

Link: oO ho ho how do I kill it

Joey: trow bombs in his mouth when he tries to breath fire!

Link: ok

Joey: better get outa da way! (jumps into the lava)

Link: damn him and his power suit

Joey: (underlava) hehe

KingDodongo: (breaths in)

Link: trows a bomb

Kingdodongo: (eats it) (blows up) ugh (throws up blood)

Link: grose………. (throws nother bomb)

Kingdodongo: (eats it)(blows up)

Link:1 more I think (throws nother bombs)

Kingdodongo: (eats it) (blows up) ack! HEARTBURN! I NEED AN ANTACID!

Litte dodongos: comeing! (carrying a giant bottle of tums)

Kingdodongo: (takes some) falls into lava)

Link? (reads bottle) sideffects may cause dizzynes. oh!

Joey: well LETS GO

Link: (picks up heartpiece) NOT THYE PORTAL AGAIN!

Joey: yep the portal it's the only way out

Link: NOT AGAIN! (Goes into portal)

(Screams of intense pain are heard throughout the room)

Joey: hehe (teleports)

outside –

Link: ill be ready as soon as I peel off the dead skin

Daruna and 2 other gorons fall

Link: hi!

Daruna: hears the ruby!

Link: CANDY! (eats it)

Joey: slaps forehead) idiot

Daruna: well you might want to go visit the fairy on top of da mountain

Link: ok thanks

Daruna: now how bout a goron hug? (walks towards link)

Link: AHHH GAY GORONS RUN! (runs to top of da mountain)

Joey: just blow open that wall

Link: ok (drops a bomb)

Wall opens

Link: lets go ( goes in)

Fairy: (pops out of the water) I shall grant you magic power!

Link: (points and laughs) look she has pointy boobs! HAHAHAHA

Joey: shut up!

Fairy: (grants magic powers)

Link: COOL!

Fairy: you can use your magic powers to use the spin attack by holding the B button down.

Link: B button!

Joey: just point your sword behind you and it will charge up and when you release your spin sending a wave of energy around you.

Link: uhhhhhhhhh ok

Joey: well lets go

Link: ok

Back at kakriko 

Link: where next?

Joey: (reading guide) TO ZORAS FOUNTAIN

Link: ok lets go!

Joey: well what do ya think? Please R&R

REMEMBER IF I FIND THE PERSON THAT TURNED IN HER STORYS YOU SHALL PAY REMEMBER IM HUNTING YOU DOWN!


	6. Chapter 6

Joey: HI this has got to be the quickest update I've ever done!

Metroid: Hey what about me?

Joey: oh yea this is my metroid Mike.

Mike: HI

Joey: samus is gone for now right?

Mike: yep scared her off

Joey: ok now onto the story

Disclaimer: I don't own zelda or anything els I put in this story!

Chapter 6

Link: lets go to zoras fountain

Joey: ok but we gotta go to hyrule castle first

Link: WHY?

Joey: you have bombs now now you can get a new magic power

Link: ok lets go!

Mike: wait for me!

Link: (frightened look) WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT! (points to mike)

Joey: that's my metroid Mike

Link: I WANT ONE

Joey: uhh ok (hands link a can)

Link: (reads can) the NEW metroid in a can ----- shake ) OK (shakes can) ok (opens it) (metroid jumps out and latches onto links face and begins to drain energy) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GGGETTTTTTT IITTTTTT OFF MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeee…………………………

Navi: (picks up can and reads) IT SAYS DO NOT SHAKE! YOU HAD YER FINGER OVER THE DO NOT! …….. idiot

Link: AAAAAAHHHHHHHH HHHHHHEEEEEEEELLLLLppppppppppppppppppppppp……………… (dies)

Navi: well at least its full

Metroid: (looks at Navi and screetches loudly)

Navi: OOH SHIT! (metroid eats navi whole)

Joey: idiots MIKE MAKE IT STOP EATING PEOPLE

Mike: ok (speaks to the metroid in however the speak)

Metroid: (goes away)

Joey: well (snaps fingers)

Link: (comes back to life) AHHHHHHHHHHHHH………….. huh IM ALIVE!

Joey: now lets go!

Link: ok

at hyrule castle fairy fountain –

Fairy appears

Link: (points and laughs) SHE HAS POINTY BOOBS TOO HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Joey: shut up

Link: k

Fairy: (grants power)

Joey: you got dins fire you can manipulate and create fire!

Link: COOL

Joey: well lets go to zoras fountain

Link: k lets go

at zoras fountain-

Joey: ill meet you at the waterfall (jumps into water and walks upstream like he was walking on land) A/N remember I have samuses suit it manipulates gravity so I can walk in water like I wuz on land.

Link: uhh k

Mike: look at that guy hes sellin beans

Link: you didn't go with joey?

Mike: nope

Link: ok

Link: HEY u sellin those beans?

Bean man: munch munch munch yep munch

Link: how much

BM: a lot

Link: mike eat him please

Mike: DINNER TIME!

BM: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (dies)

Mike: mmmmmm tasty

Link: (takes beans) hey you can fly can you take me to the waterfall?

Mike: ok (takes link to waterfall)

Joey: that wuz quick how'd you get here so fast

Link: mike gave me a lift

Joey: oh

Link: hmmm (reading sign) ah (plays Zeldas lullaby)

Waterfall stops

Link: (jumps in)

Joey: whoa he's getting smarter

Inside

Link: lets go to king zora

Joey: well you're the hero go on

Link: (goes into king zoras chamber ) lemme through fatass

KZ: ok (does the little scootching thingy)

Link: k (goes through)

Joey: whoa WAIT YOU NEEDED THE LETTER AND THE SILVER SCALE

Link: got em

Joey: where?

Link: plothole

Joey: oh WHOA LET GO

Joey and mike follow

Link: whoa that's a big fish

Joey: yep we gotta go in it

Link: ok

Navi: IM BACK

Link: well too bad wer gonna get eaten again

Navi: WHAT? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Joey&Mike: yep

Link: here we go (drops the fish)

JabuJabu: FOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDD (sucks in )

Link: WAIT I CHANGED MY MIND (tries to run but fails) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

(evryone gets sucked in)

JabuJabu: YUM!

Joey: well that's it for now

Mike: yea plz R&R

Joey: hey that's my line!

Mike: so

Joey: ok.

Joey: but plz plz plz R&R


	7. Chapter 7

Joey: Hi im back again!

Mike: oh you went somewhere?

Joey: -- shut up

Mike:

Joey: well onto the story

Chapter 7

Navi: NOOOOOOOO NOT AGAIN

Link: well now what?

Joey: you never read the leter did you?

Link: NOPE!

Joey: -- we need to save princess ruto

Link: ooohhhhhhh

Joey: lets go

Link: ok well lets go (shoots the thingy )

Door opens

Navi: whoa this is almost as big as links stomach

Link: SHUT UP

Navi: hehe

Link: hey isnt that ruto?

Ruto: huh why are you here

Link: im here to save you

Ruto: save me? Well im not going anywhere till I get my stone. But you can carry me

Link: uhh ok ( picks up ruto ) geeze yer heavy how much do you eat

Ruto: SHUT UP

Link: well lets go

They get to room with boomerang

Link: WHAT THE HELL?

Navi: you gotta pop the bubbles

Link: ok

Joey: ill help ( turns gun to plazma form )

Link: ok

They pop all the bubbles

Chest appears

Link: oooooo ( opens the chest ) oo a boomerang

Joey: oh good

Link: well lets go

They get to the room with the hangy thing

Link: OH MY GOD IT LOOKS LIKEA PENIS!

Joey: Laughing hysterically

Link: I think ill chop it off with my new boomerang ( chops it off )

They get the rest of the hangy things

They get to the room with the October

Link & Co. walk in.

Ruto: there that's the stone.

Link: ok tosses Ruto onto the thing

Ruto: grabs the stone THANKS!

Thing goes up

Ruto: WHAT THE FUCK HELLLLLLLLLPPPPPP

Link: oh well

Ruto: OH MY GOD IT AN OCTOPUSS

Link???

Thing comes back down

Link: oh shes right it is an octopus

Joey: you gotta hit is asshole I mean the thing on its back

Link: ok ties sword to the boomerang and throws it

Octo: dies

Link: lets go

They go up

Link: ok

Joey: hit the thing on the cealing

Link: ok throws boomerang

Door unlocks

Link: lets go

They go into the bosses room

Link: look at all the shineys drools

Joey: you gotta kill em

Link: ok (throws boomerang)

All the jellyfish die

Link: ok now I gotta kill the boss

Joey: yep

Link: throws boomerang

The tentacles detach

Joey: I wanna finish it ( shoots a plasma beam )

The Boss( I forgot the name) bursts into flames)

Outside

JabuJabu: AHHH HEARTBURN I NEED A TUM!

Zoras: (bring in a giant tum)

Back inside

Link: sees heartpiece CANDY eats it im still hungry eats navi lets go

Joey: you gotta take the portal

Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Joey: YEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS

Link: grr ok goes into portal

Screams of immense pain are heard

Joey: hehe teleports

Outside

Link: Ruto I need that stone!

Ruto: you gotta marry me

Link: NO JUST GIMME THE DAMN STONE

Ruto: ok fine!

Link: YAY CANDY eats it

Joey: you gotta do one more thing

Link: what

Joey: you gotta get a new magic ability

Link: ok

At the fairy fountain outsine jabujabus area

Link: HAAHAHA HER BOOBS ARE POINTY TOO HAHAHAHAAHAHA

Joey : SHUT UP

Link: ok ( gets ability )

Joey: you can teleport to rooms in a dungen that youv already been too

Link: k

Joey: now you gotta go to the Temple of Time and get the Master Sword

Link: ooh ok!

Joey: well this chapter wasent as long I don't remember much of jabujabu well next chapter soon


	8. Chapter 8 Rewritten!

Joey: Alright, this is the new Chapter 8! I am rewriting it!

Mike: I thought I was done… why are we doing this again?

Joey: Because my 11 year old self (A/N yes that's how old I was when I started writing this story) didn't understand the word Plagiarism…

Mike: Good job genius!

Joey: Shut it… oh and do the disclaimer…

Mike: (Sighs) Alright alright… Joey does not own anything he puts in his story unless he puts something in here that he actually owns… in that case then he would own something… Oh well… just don't sue us….

Chapter 8: Rewritten

Link & Co. walking outside the walls of hyrule market moving towards the drawbridge

Link: Wow, is it really night time already?

Joey: What are you talking about? The days in this world are only 2 minutes long anyways… besides… its raining.

Link: (Suddenly gets struck by a bolt of lightning, knocking him flat on his ass) Xx

(Zelda and impa ride by on their horse, nearly running link over)

Zelda: Damn it impa! You missed! Here ill get him (she chucks the ocarina at link but it misses and lands in the moat)

Joey: Nice aim ya stupid bitch!

Zelda: (flips Joey off)

Link: (Shakes his head and gets to his feet) What the hell just happened…?

Gannondorf: (by now has rode up to link) You, boy! Where did she go! I know you saw them!

Link: No I was unconscious.

Joey: (points in the direction that Zelda and Impa went)

Gannondorf: (Ignores Joey) You little fool you cant protect them! (Starts to charge the blast in his hand)

Link: Heh why would I want to?

Joey: Ummm because you're the hero, jackass.

Link: Ohh so that's what im doing…

Gannondorf: (Blasts link, knocking him on his ass once again)

Link: Xx

Joey: Not again…

Gannondorf: (Rides off in the complete opposite direction of where joey was pointing)

Navi: Wow, is everyone here accept me a complete idiot?

Joey: Don't count yourself out…

Link: (Wakes up) Owww… my ass…

Joey: Ill bet your used to saying that.

Link: What?

Joey: … Never mind…

Link: Well I'm hungry (Eats Navi)

Joey: Well, you should probably go get the ocarina…

Link: (Dives into the water and retrieves the ocarina of time)

Joey: Alright to the temple!

(At the temple of time, just outside the doors)

Link: (walks up the steps and runs straight into the door) Owwwwiieeee!

Joey: It says pull…

Link: You can read?

Joey: Yes… I can… apparently you can't…

Link: (pulls the doors open and walks up to the pedestal thingy)

Joey: Do you need me to read that for you?

Link: Shut up, hey, a quick question… why am I doing this part all over again?

Joey: Didn't you read what I said before the story?

Link: Umm no…

Joey: What about the memo I sent?

Link: Memo?

Joey: A little yellow paper…

Link: Oh, I thought that was mustard so I ate it…

Joey: Oh god... its because I didn't understand the word plagiarism when I wrote the original chapter…

Link: ohh… nice one genius

Joey: Just put the stones on the pedestal.

Link: (places all 3 stones on the pedestal and gets warped into that flashback kind of area…)

Zelda: Link? What the hell are you doing here?

Link: I have no clue…

Zelda: Oh yea, I suppose you need to learn the song on time… (pulls an ocarina out of her ass)

Link: You're going to put that in your mouth?

Zelda: Umm yea… so?

Link: That's sick…

Zelda: Just copy the damn song… bitch… (plays the song of time)

Link: (Copies the song)

Ocarina: YOU'VE LEARNED THE SONG OF TIME!

Link: (looks at the ocarina) Whoa… I really got to stop smoking… (gets warped back to the Temple of Time) Well, that was interesting…

Joey: Awww damn it he's back…

Link: (plays the song of time and opens the doors)

Joey: Lets hurry this up…

Link: (Pulls up the master sword)

Lets warp 7 years into the future after the part with Ruru

Link: I THOUGHT THAT WHALE WAS GOING OT EAT US!

Joey: Oh come on... he's not that fat…

Shiek: (steps out from the shadows, then ducks, expecting the master sword to be thrown at her… I mean him…) Why didn't you throw the sword?

Joey: he's not supposed to…

Shiek: Well aren't we redoing this chapter?

Joey: Yea, but we are doing it differently.

Shiek: Oh… I didn't know that…

Joey: Didn't you get the memo?

Shiek: Memo?

Joey: Oh my god… shiek… just do your thing…

Shiek: Sure…

Link: Heh what a fag…

Shiek: Im not gay…

Link: Sure you aren't…

Shiek: Im serious im not gay…

Link: You like guys right?

Shiek: Yes, wait I mean No, I mean ye- awww fuck…

Link: HA!

Joey: I think Link just outsmarted someone…

Mike: Holy crap, you're right!

Link: Where did you come from?

Mike: I just haven't spoken at all this chapter…

Link: Whatever…

Shiek: Link, the sage of the forest needs your help, she is a good friend of yours, but you will need a special item to get into the temple, you can find it in the Village Graveyard.

Link: She!

Joey: Friend?

Link: Shut up…

Joey: You have a friend! And it's a she!

Link: Im just as surprised as you are…

Joey: Well, we should go get that item.

Link: Yes, To the graveyard!

End Chapter 8

Joey: Well, now that I'm done rewriting that… leave a review! My fingers hurt!

Mike: Stop bitching…

Joey: LEAVE A REVIEW DAMNIT!


	9. Chapter 9

A/n: HI it hasent been too long since I last updated so

Mike: I HAVENT BEEN IN THE LAST 2 CHAPTERS CAN I BE IN THIS ONE PLEEAAASSSEEEEEE!

Joey: uhh shure

Mike: YYYYYAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY

Joey: U ok? sees the bag of sugar mike has oohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Mike: Joey doesent own zelda or metroid

Joey: NOW ON-

Mike: ONTO THE STORY!

Joey: HEY THAT'S MY LINE!

Mike: crap flys away

Joey: oh well

Chapter 9

Joey: well shiek said to go to the graveyard

Link: ok lets go then

At the graveyard

Joey: were here

Link: k wait a minute pulls back the grave wit the hylain shield in it I hid this here 7 years ago now that im an adult I can actually hold it.

Joey: ok whatever lets go

Mike: Hi

Link: oh its back

Mike: IT? I AM MOST CERTANLY NOT AN IT I AM A METROID FOR YOUR INFORMATION!

Link: Oo

Joey: sorry hes hyped up on sugar

Link: ok

Joey: well according to my scanners it should be that grave points

Link: k pulls grave back oooo a hole jumps in

Joey: follows

Inside Dampes grave

Link: hey u have something for me?

Dampe: only for someone that can beat me in a race

Link: ok ill race you

Joey: I will too just incase link is too slow

Link: IM NOT SLOW

Joey: still it will be fun

Dampe: ok 3…

Joey: pushes a button on his boots that activates the suits speed booster function hehe

Link: just stands there ready

Dampe: 2…..1…….GO

Joey &Dampe: take off at super speed

Link: -- damn

Mike: well joey side youd be slow so he told me to help you

Link: ok

10 hours later

Mike: WE MADE IT

Joey: its about time I already got yer hookshot

Link: wed be here sooner but this metroid couldent read the stratigy guide you gave him

Joey: I know

Link: --

Joey: well lets go to the forest temple

Link: ok

Mike: LETS GO

Navi:….. this is the first time ive spoken this chapter

Link: it's the last time too eats navi

Joey: umm lets go now

To Be Continued…

Joey: well this chapter wasent as funny as the rest and im sorry bout spellin errors and stuff im no good at them and 1 more thing I wont update till I get 10 reviews I got 9 so 1 more shouldn't be too tough well CYA


	10. Chapter 10

Joey: HI IM BACK just to say I've actually never gotten through the forest temple LOL I got a used Zelda OOT game and it wuz at Gannondorf so I never did the dungeons and I did a new game so I know the first stuff. BUT I STILL BEAT GANNONDORF and um well I got a strategy guide to help me through the temple parts. Well umm sorry If I miss some stuff. Mike this time you can do the Disclaimer

Mike: YAY Joey does not own Zelda or Metroid

Joey: ONTO THE STORY!

Chapter 10

Joey: well we need to go to the forest Meadow.

Link: ok I know where that is.

Navi: ok so then let's go

At the Forest Meadow

Shiek: here learn this song and it will bring you here when you play it

Link: why like I'm ever gonna come back here anyway

Shiek: I dunno I have to

Link: ok learns song

Ocarina: YOU LEARNED "MINUET OF FOREST"!

Link: ok that creepy the ocarina talked again

Navi: no it didn't

Link: uh ok

Navi: so how do we get in?

Joey: well Navi can fly up there I can use my Hi-jump boots like umm you still got the Hookshot?

Link: nah I pawned it

Joey: good thing the one I gave you was a fake heres the real one gives link the real grapple hook

Link: ok Shoots the tree and goes up

Joey: let's go

Inside

Wolfos appear

Link: draws sword

Joey: gun transforms and a phazon sword comes out

Link: hey how'd you do that

Joey: I made a few Modifications like this holds up his hand and a phazon shield appears out of the crystal on His hand

Link: good lets fight

After they dispose of the wolfos

Link: now what

Joey: you need a key

Navi: I FOUND A CHEST UP HERE!

Link: k

Up at the chest

Link: opens the chest ooo a key its shiny

Joey: use it to open the door

Link: opens door

At the swirled up room

Link: whoa this is weird and I didn't smoke any of that powdery stuff that Joey had.

Joey: umm what powder stuff?

Link: I found it in your hand when you where sleeping so I used it

Joey: umm ok but this room is supposed to be like this

Link: ok

They get to the end of the swirly hallway

Joey: stop holds hand to his helmet Life signs detected in this room but I don't see anything be careful link.

Link: k

Wall Master falls and hits ground : OWIE blows up

Joey: gun in plasma form hehe

Link: umm lets move on

At the chest with the bow and arrows

Link: opens the chest YAY THIS IS BETTER THAN THE SLINGSHOT

Mysterious Voice: YOU GOT THE FAIRY BOW

Navi: im not even gonna ask about that one

Link: but im still gonna do it anyway loads navi into bow

Navi: NOOO NOT AGAIN!

Link: fires navi across the room cool

Joey: you know you got arrows for them

Link: oh yea

At the center room after defeating the fist couple poe sisters

Last poe sister: YOU SHALL NEVER DEFEAT ME splits and goes in circles

Link: whoa getting dizzy

Joey: hit the one with a shadow shes the real one

Link: ok shoots her

Last poe: arrgh dies

Joey: ok to phantom gannon

Link: who?

Joey: youll find out

Link: well first I need a snack looks at navi

Navi: oh no not this time! eats link

Joey: YOU JUST ATE SOMETHING 100x YOUR SIZE!

Navi: yea so?

Joey: whatever

Later

Link: OH MY GOD THAT WUZ WEIRD

Joey: yea well down the elevator we go

At phantom gannon

Link: looks like a museum

Joey: yea just shoot the pictures that you see gannon in

Link: ok does that

Phantom gannon comes out of pictures

Link: uhh now what

Joey: jeez your stupid Link your sword repels evil right?

Link: yea

Joey: what do you think the balls that hes shooting are made of?

Link: evi…. Oh

Joey: exactly

Link: repels ball at pgannon

Pgannon: ARRGH falls

Link: now's my chance charges at pgannon HHYYYYYYAAAAA slices pgannon in half

Guts and blood splatter all over the ground

Portal appears

Link: oo a heart takes it

Navi: not the portal

Joey: yes the portal

Link: ok goes in

Screams of pain are heard

Joey: ill go too goes in

Silence

In temple of sages

Link: HOW COME IT DIDN'T HURT YOU?

Joey: it did but my energy takes the damage so I don't have to

Link: ARRGE

Sarie: HI LINK

Link: oh umm hi umm why are you still a kid?

Saria: well I'm actually 385 years old but I'm a kokiri so I don't age

Link: WHOA well I think I need a medallion

Saria: oh yea gives the medallion

Link: thanks gotta go

At the deku tree

Dtsprout: link

Link: I thought I killed you

DTS: I have something to tell you

Link: oh great

DTS: your probably wondering why you aged but the others didn't

Link: yea

DTS: its because you're a hylain

Link: oh ok thanks bye

DTS: basterd

To Be Continued…………

Joey: well I'm not too good at writing the temples but well it's the best I can do so till next time. BYE


	11. Chapter 11

Joey: HI!

Mike: oh god

Joey: hey!

Mike: what?

Joey: nvm

Mike: well lets get on with the story

Joey: good idea

Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda or Metroid or anything els I take to use but I do own MIKE

Joey: ONTO THE STORY!

Chapter 11

Link: well now what?

Joey: link you like swords right?

Link: yea

Joey: I know where we can get a awesome sword at

Link: YAY IM GONNA GET A NEW SWORD WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Joey: ok

Mike: he found my sugar

Joey: ooohhhhhh LINK STOP

Link: freezes huh?

Joey: let's just get the sword

Link: k k k k k k k k k k

Joey: uhh ok well LETS GO

Later

Joey: you got a chicken right?

Link: yea

Joey: you woke the guy up right

Link: yea

Joey: ok talk to that lady and get the blue chicken

Link: kk hands lady chicken

Lady: here take this freak chicken I like yours better

Link: ok I got a creepy blue chicken now what

On the way to the lost woods

Link: I like swords

Joey: that's nice

Link: I like swords

Joey: you said that already

Link: I like swords

Joey: ……grrrrrr

Link: I li-….. falls over in a block of ice

Joey: ice beam gun SHUT UP!

Later

Link: ok sorry too much shugar

Joey: no shit sherlock

Link: well LETS GET THE SWORD

Joey: ok

At the blue dude

Joey: give him the chicken

Link: here

BD: thank you but I am terribly ill give this mushroom to the old bi- I mean hag in Kakriko village but be quick this mushroom will rot fast

Link: ok

Joey: well lets go

In hyrule field

Link: ill never be able to get there on time wait! plays Eponas song

Epona: NEEEIGHH

Joey: umm you never learned that song

Link: plothole NOW LETS GO

At the old bi- I mean hags shop

Link: here make medicines for Blue Dude

Bi- errm hag: ok ok here this wont spoil takes your time

Link: ok

Joey: you got the medicine?

Link: yep

Joey: TO BLUE DUDE!

At blue dudes place

Creepy little girl: the blue dude is gone bu- sniff sniff THAT MEDICEN IS MADE OF FOREST MUSHROOMS RUTURN IT NOW!

Link: ok gives her the mushroom medicen

CLG: thank you take this saw gives saw

Link: WHAT THE HELL DO I NEED A SAW FOR?

Joey: to give to the carpenters

Link: oh

At carpenters

Link: WOWWIE I DIDN'T KNOW EPONA COULD JUMP THAT !

Joey: yea

Link: hears your saw.. hey yer the scary guy that was maken those guys run like jackasses 7 years ago

Carpenter: yep here take my old sword its broken but Biggoron can fix it

Link: ok

At biggoron

Link: HOLY CRAP THAT'S A BIG GORON!

Biggoron: yessssss I coulddddddddd fixxxxxxx your sworrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd if the volcanooooo didntttttttt errrupttt and mmaaakkke me bblinddddd ttttaaakkke thisssssss persssssccccccrrrrriiiiippppppttttttttiiiiiiiooooonnnnnnnnn andddd gettt me some eye cleanerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Link: uhh ok

Joey: lets go

At zoras fountain

Link: Hey the fatass is stuck in ice hehe frozen fish

Joey: ill fix this gun turns into plasma form hmmm

Link: wont plasma kill him its too hot it will kill him too

Joey: I got a flame-thrower jackass

Link: oh ok

After king zora is revived

KZ: thanks there is good new and bad new the bad news is there are no more drops the good new is "I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to GEICO"

Link: HOW CAN WE GET THE DAMN DROPS

KZ: oh yea take this one-eyed frog I pulled out of my ass and take it to the researcher in Lake Hylia

Link: eewww ok

At lake Hylia

Researcher: ohh I havent had 1 eyed frog soup in a while mmmm

Link: we need ewe drops idiot

Researcher: ok here take this to Biggoron you got 5 minits

Link: holy shit gotta haul ass across the field

At biggorong

Link: huf, puff, IM HERE TAKE YER DROPS

BG: thankkkkkkk youuuuuuuu comeeee backkk innnn threeee dayyyssss

Link: now what

Joey: well you could play the suns song 6 times

Link: oh yea

3 days later

Link: that wuz quick

Joey: yep get yer sword

Link: ok gimme gimme gimme

BG: takee itt ittsssss myyyy finesttttt workkkkk

Link: OOOOH A 2-HANDED SWORD WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Joey: idiot

To Be Continued…

Joey: hows u like it so far well cya next time!


	12. Chapter 12

Joey: Well Hello! ITS ME AGAIN!

Link: OH GOD NO!

Joey: shut up

Link: ok…..errrm wheres Mike?

Joey: getting something

Link: ok well then can I do the Disclaimer?

Joey: oh fine.

Link: Joey Does not own Zelda or anything els that he puts in this story!

Joey: -- Amateur

Link: errggg

Joey: NOW ONTO THE STORY!

Chapter 12: The Fire Temple and err stuff

Link: hey wheres Joey?

Navi: I dunno

Joey appears wearing Predator Armor

Link: Holy Shit what happened to your other suit?

Joey: oh I gave it back.

Link: umm that's a little too nice of you….

Joey: yea so?

Nuclear Explosion is seen 

Link: ok what did you do?

Joey: Well…….

Flashback

an alleyway with a dumpster at the end 

Justinonshugar (AKA Justin) head pops the lid up and is watching: sugarsugarsugarsugarsugar

Justin sees Joey (without power armor! Wow that's a first) walking down alley 

Justin (hides in the Dumpster again) (hear justins voice muffled): sugarsugarsugar

Joey: puts power armor in dumpster 

Samus at end of alley looking around the corner watching : perfect!

Joey: walks off 

Samus goes to end of alley FINALLY!

Justin jumps out whearing power armor

Samus: GOD DAMMIT GIMMIE THAT!

Justin: NOOOOOOOOOOO runs off 

Samus: looks in dumpster to see real power armor YAY!

A Nuclear explosion is seen where justin ran off too.

Back to real time

Link: ooooohhhhhhhhhhh

Joey: well next we go to the fire temple!

Link: ok

At Fire Temple

Joey: ok Sheik should be here soon

Link: hey look a note!

Joey: reads not 

Note

Link was too lazy to go over here and teach you the song so here it is

Link: ok

Joey: well lets go!

A/N im gonna tell you ppl right now I never played the Water Fire of Desert Temples so I have no clue what im about to write!)

Link&co. Inside Fire Temple

Link: what the hell where is that weird chanting comeing from!

Joey: nope not a clue

Mike: IM BACK I GOT THE EGG!

Link: egg?

Joey: yea you wanna see?

Link: YA!

Joey: laughs evily ok hands link the egg 

Link: what hey the top is opening

Joey: yea (puts on predator mask)

Link: oh hey look

The Alien spider thing from AVP jumps onto links face

Link: AAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Joey: alls I got to do is wait

8 hours later

Link: what the hell HEY IT DIED! ARGH (alien pops out of links stomach) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (dies)

Joey: YAY! MY NEW PET!

Mike: FINALLY A PLAYMATE!

Joey: (snaps and Link is revived)

Link: YOU BASTERD!

Joey: soooooo?

Joey: mike take the Alien and keep it busy

Mike: ok

Joey: now to explore the fire temple!

Link: (sarcastically): OH GOODY!

Joey: ok TALLY HO!

Link: Whatever

At Megaton Hammer

Link: (opens Chest) OOOOO SHINY (drools)

Joey: now to the boss!

At the boss

Link: umm where is the boss

Joey: (reads guide) :Its like a whack a mole game just hit it with the hammer when it comes out!

Link: ok

Hits Volvigia 3 Times

Dies

Link:ok

Outside Fire Temple

Justin in Master Chiefs armor (from Halo if you jackasses don't know) Hi

Joey: ok 1 question why are you do calm?

Justin: Because LINK AT MY UNLIMITED SUGAR STASH!

Link: sugarsugarsugarsugar

Justin: GIVE IT BACK (pulls out a shotgun)

Link: shit

Joey: ill help (4 blades come out of his arms 2 on each arm ) MEWHEHEHE

Link: oh sugary shits

Justin: im pissed so (pulls out a second shot gun)

LINK: OH SWEET SUGARY SHITS FROM HELL! (gets blown and cut to pieces)

Sugar is everywhere

Joey: err Justin don't eat …………that

Justin: (eating the sugar that is on the lava): why (burps and flames come out of his mouth) SWEET hey I got an idea! (Farts and fire comes out of his ass propelling him into the air) WHOOHOO

Joey: oh well

To be Continued…

Joey: Well that's this chapter might not be as good as the rest but oh well

Justin: (shoots fire at joey): sugarsugarsugarsugar

Joey: ok you asked for it (extends his spear) oh yea 1 more thing HELP ME WITH A NAME FOR MY PET ALIEN! Please give me names in reviews! Ill use the one I like most! (charges at justin)

Justin: shit

Till next time BYE!


	13. Chapter 13

Joey: HI!

Mike: It's about time you wrote a new chapter.

Joey: Shut up

Mike: ok

Joey: ok so far only 1 person has given me a name for my Alien. Just to let Evryone know it's a She.

Mike: ok well Joey Does not own anything he puts in this chapter.

Joey: WELL ONTO THE STORY!

Chapter 13 Ice Cavern and Stuff

(Joey appears wearing Samus suit cept its Bronze.): HI

Link: ok what did you do to it?

Joey: I mixed my Predator armor and Samuses suit together. To make my Hybrid armor I need more suits and stuff to make it complete though.

Link: ok well where to?

Joey: (Reads Guide) the ice cavern

(Justin lands next to link)

Link: ooookkkkkaaaayyy

Justin: HI

Joey: ok whhat did you eat?

Justin: 10 Bean Burritos

Joey: SHIT!

(Justin farts and fly's off again getting Navi caught in the explosion)

Navi: ouch

Joey: hehe

Mike: did I hear someone say Ice? (shivers)

Joey: yes

Mike: I think ill stay here…..

Link: why?

Joey: Metroids are Weak to ice.

Link: ohhhhh

Mike: yea (twitch) what the hell? (Evolves into a hunter metroid) HOLY SHIT!

Joey: right on scedual

Link: well lets go.

at zoras cavern

Link: whoa its all ice

Joey: yep

(they get to the fatass)

Link: JESUS NOT AGAIN

Joey: hehe Frozen Fish

Navi: hmmm this is red ice only blue fire can melt it!

Joey whispers to link: hey how does Navi know all this stuff

Link: She knows Navi sees things….

Joey: a perverted mind could make a lot out of that (cell phone rings) Hello?

Justin on other end: HEY THAT'S MY LINE! OWWWIE!

Joey: where are you?

Justin: OW I DON'T KNOW… HEY OH HELL NO!

Joey: Justin are you ok?

Justin: NO! HEY WAIT WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH THAT!

(Screams of intense pain are heard)

Joey: Justin? Hello? Hmmm battery must be dead.

Link: where do we get Blue Fire?

Joey: downstairs

(They get there)

Link: GOD DAMMIT IS FROZEN OVER!

Navi: Link a fire arrow can melt this

Link: ok (melts it with a fire arrow)

(In the shop(

Link: I need 2 bottles of Blue Fire

Zora Behind The Counter: ok that will be….. 400Rupees

Link: HOLY SHITBALLS!

Joey: here (gives him 2 gold rupees)

ZBTC: here you go.

Link: HOW THE HELL COULD YOU AFFORD THAT!

Joey: I cant those where counterfeit.

Link: ooh

Joey: ok lets go melt fatass

Link: ok

(They melt fatass)

Fatass err King Zora: Thank you take this (gives link a blue tunic)

Link: what the hell am I gonna do with this?

Joey: ill tell you later

Link: ok well to the ice cavern!

Mike: ill stay here

Joey: ok

(in the ice cavern)

Link: hey Joey why do you need the second bottle of Blue Fire?

Joey: for this (his plasma beam shoots blue plasma) so we don't need to spend more rupees.

Link: ohhh

Joey: you gotta collect all the silver rupees.

Link: great….

(after many fairys cuts and bruses)

Link: YAY

Joey: good now you gotta do it 7 more times!

Link: AWWW HELL NO!

Joey: just kidding

Link: thank god!

Joey: now lets go

(they get to the room with the water in the center)

wolfos appear

Link: oh great

Joey: (activates Phazon sword) lets get em

(They kill the wolfos)

Shiek: here if you play this song you can save princess ruto again.

Link: ok whatever (learns song) LOOK A CHEST! (opens the chest) oooohhh shiny (drools)

Joey: those are the Iron Boots

Link: what do I need those for

Joey: to sink to the botton of Lake Hylai

Link: wont I drown?

Joey: the blue tunic lets you breathe underwater

Link: oh!

(Screams of pain are heard from Groudo Fortress)

Joey: well now we know where Justin is

Link: well shouldn't we save him?

Joey: yea I guess

Link: well lets go!

(at Groudo Fortress)

Joey: well we gotta get past them

Link: (drooling) so pretty I cant shoot them

Joey: dude your arrows will only stun them

Link: how does and arrow "Stun"?

Joey: I have no idea

Link: I GOT AN IDEA! (puts Navi in the bow and fires)

Navi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

(All the Groudo chase Navi)

Joey: wow he is getting smarter

(in one of the jail rooms)

Link: hello? JUSTIN?

Hear Justin's voice: oh shit hide! (rustle rustle)

Link: hey Joey! Justin's in here!

(Joey appears)

Joey: good

(we see Justin and a few groudos in a bed)

Joey: awe hell no that's just wrong

Link: uhhh justin?

Justin: GO AWAY!

Link: we are here to save you!

Justin: CANT YOU SEE IM A LITTLE BUSY HERE!

Joey: but we thaught you where being tortured

Justin: I was But I passes the test!

Joey: (takes out a notepad) and what do you have to do pass?

Justin: 12 hours of torture for me I had to be deprived of sugar for 12 hours

Joey: ok Link he doesn't want to leave lets go loot the place then leave.

Link: But…

Joey: let's go!

Link: ok fine!

(after they loot the place they are now in the courtyard.)

Joey: (sees Justin tied to a stake) what the hell happened?

Justin: things got a little rough…

Joey: oh great….

Justin: well get me down!

Joey: ok fine! (Activates his predator blades and cuts him loose)

Link: oh so Justin changed his mind?

Joey: no not really

Justin oh link here you might need this (pulls outa bra) eeep! (hides it)

Link: what was that

Justin: NOTHING! (gives link the Groudo card)

Link: cool.

Joey : well lets go to the Water Temple!

To Be Continued…

Joey: well I still need a name for my Alien REMEMBER IT'S A GIRL!

Mike: YOU LEFT ME WITH FATASS SO I ATE HIM

Joey: good

Navi: YAY I DIDENT GET EATED

(Mike eats navi)

Joey: well next chapter will come sooner hopefully.

Mike: ok well BYE!

Joey: PLZ leave a review!


	14. Chapter 14

Joey: Hello sorry I took so long school is hell lately…

Mike: isn't it hell all of the time?

Joey: oh yea your right……..

Mike: Joey does not own any of the crap he decides to put in his story……..

Joey: NOW ON TO THE STORY!

Chapter 14: The Water Temple

We see Link and co. camped out in Hyrule Field

Link: well where to next?

Joey: well… I think the water temple is next

Mike: well im not sure if metroids can go underwater but ill try

Link: oh… its underwater?

Joey: no shit Sherlock

Link: (shudders)

Joey: now go to sleep…

Link: but now I cant…..

Joey (hits link in the back of his head with the Arm Cannon knocking Link out): GO TO SLEEP!

(the next day)

Link and Co. are now at Hylia Lake

Link: whoa its all dry

Joey: yup.

Link: well how do I get in

Joey: the entrance is in that little body of water near the bottom

Link: and how do I get in there without drowning

Navi: you got to put your Iron Boots on and your Blue Tunic and jump in.

Link:… But… THAT'S SUICIDE

Joey: no your blue tunic lets you breath underwater…

Link: oh… (puts on Blue Tunic and Iron Boots) ok here I go (Jumps into the water)

Everyone else follows

Inside The Temple

A/N once again as you all know I have never played the water temple im doing this off what I know from internet stuff and the guide.

Link: LOOK THERES JUSTIN!

Justin (looking at a checklist): Nope too soggy…(checks off list) Nope to albino (checks off list again) Nope too many Groudos… (checks list again) Too many gay gorons…(sees Link and Joey) oop (dissapears)

Joey: what the hell was that all about….

Link: who knows

Navi: well lets go

(Link jumps into the water and sinks to the bottom)

Joey (sees Justin eating sugar underwater): uhh dude how are you under here?

Link: yea that's a good question…

Justin: WELL HOW ARE YOU ALL DOWN HERE HUH?

Link: I have a tunic that lets me breath underwater and Joey has his power armor what do you have?

Justin: err umm (begins to choke and disappears)

Joey: he is constantly getting wierder

They go into the next room

They see Justin chaseing ruto trying to forcefully screw her

Ruto: LINK HELP ME!

Link: GO TO HELL!

Joey: justin never abides by mortal law….

Navi: lets go

Link: ohh LOOK A CHEST! (opens it and gets a small key) oh… GOD DAMNIT!

They leave the room Leaveing Ruto in the clutches of Justin… or is it?

(many rooms and keys later)

Link: YAY A CHEST! Maybe this one will have an item in it (opens it only to get another small key) GOD DAMNIT I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THESE THINGS! (throws it out a window… but link forgets they are underwater and gets hit with thousands of pounds of water pressure)

Joey: HAHAHAHAHAHA!

They enter a room that's full of mist and has a tree in the middle

Link: hmmm odd well lets keep going

(they get to the other door only to have both doors lock)

Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOO LEMME OUT LEMME OUT

8 hours later

Link: IM GONNA STARVE LET ME OUT!

3 hours later

Link: HELP

Joey: link there is a tree in here. Ever think that there might be fruit on it?

Link: oh (he goes over to the tree only to see Dark Link! Dun dun dummm) who the hell are you

Dark Link: I AM YOU!

Link: dude that line sucks ass

Dark Link: damn…

Joey: hmmm LINK THRUST AT HIM!

Link: huh ok! (trusts at dark link) HIYA!

DarkLink: (jumps up onto links sword) HA!

Joey: ive always wanted to see that…

Link: GOD DAMNIT YOU DID THAT ON PURPISE!

Joey: no shit (thinks for a minit) wait if Dark Link is exactly like Link then they must both be idiots HEY LOOK CANDY!

Dlink&Link: CANDY WHERE!

Joey: idiots

Mike: wait if there is a Dark LINK shouldn't there be a..…

: HEY LISTEN!

Dark Link: oh shit………

(Dark Navi flies in carrying a hammer): LINK WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT GETTING INTO MY STASH!

DLink: I DIDN'T

DNavi: (lights a joint) THEN WHO DID!

Dark Link:(points to Link)

Link: (Points to navi)

Navi: (lights a joint) what (sees dark navis hammer) oh shit (flies away really fast)

Dark Navi: (chases Navi)

:Idiots

Joey: wait a second!

Dark Joey: HELLO EVRYONE!

Link: NOT 2 OF THEM!

Joey: THERES ONLY ONE JOEY HERE (Begins to shoot at Dark Joey)

Mike: well then I guess

Dark Mike: yup

Mike: well metroids cant fight each other soo wanna watch Navi get beat with a hammer?

Dark Mike: SURE!

Joey: ok this Dark thing is going too far….. (Butterfly flies past dark butterfly follows it) THAT'S IT! (walks of screen) DAMN PROGRAMMERS (Missile Shots are heard)

Everyone Else (watches as a arm flys overhead)

Joey: well that takes care of that! Now on to killing my evil counterpart. Hey!

Djoey: what?

Joey: theirs one thing I can do that you cant do!

Djoey: what's that?

Joey: (snaps and Djoey is turned to dust) I CAN USE AUTHOR POWERS!

Mike: well its obvious that the rest of the evil counterparts are a bunch of idiots lets let them leave.

Link: ok whatever

Dlink: SEE YA (eats dark navi)

Link: DAMN THE BARS DIDN'T OPEN! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Joey: god damn it I could have done this the whole time but no one asked so ill do it on my own (drops a power bomb) RUN!

Link: (ducks)

Navi: (gets caught in the explosion) ow… (smoke comes out of her head)

Link: now to move on

At the slide trap of slicey doom……hill thing!

Link: oh come on this is easy!

(after many hearts cuts bruises potions fairies and Game Overs)

Link: GOD DAMN THAT WAS HARD!

Joey: (uses high jump boots to jump all the way up)

Link: I hate you…

Joey: so what…

(in the boss room)

(Justin is sitting on the middle platform)

Link: so you're done sexually abusing ruto?

Justin: me? naa shes one ugly bitch… must have been my dark counterpart

Joey: I feel the urge to shoot someone again!

Morpha rises behind Justin

Link: uhh justin look out!

Justin: WAIT TILL IM DONE WITH MY SUGAR!

Morpha (grabs justin and trows him into the spikes)

Justin: (gets impaled by one of the spikes) ow….. (falls into morpha and falls down drain)

Joey: whoa

The bag of sugar stands up and attempts to follow justin

Morpha grabs the sugar and somehow eats it

Joey: holy hell

Link: how do I kill it?

Navi: use your new longshot to hit the little red ball when it gets railed it slice it

Link: oh this is too easy (latches Morpha) bye bye (slashes it with the BigGoronSword)

Morpha dies

Link: too easy!

Joey: oh Link! You got to go through the portal again!

Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Joey: yes you do

Link: oh fine…. (goes into the portal and extream screams of pain are heard)

Joey: hehe (disappears)

In the Sacred Realm

Link: oh shit hi ruto

Ruto: YOU LITTLE BASTARD! AFTER YOU PROMISED TO MARRY ME YOU LET THAT LITTLE SHRIMP DO THAT TO ME!

Link: umm I had my fingers crossed now gimmie the medallion and ill go

Ruto: FINE THEN BE THAT WAY! (throws it at like) NOW GO TO HELL AND BITE SATANS ASS YOU FUCKING BASTARD!

Link: whatever.

To Be Continued…

Joey: well how's that I'm gonna up the rating to R for this chapter. MY alien still needs a name… remember it is a girl.. Well till next time! BYE!


	15. Chapter 15

Joey: HEY EVRYONE! ITS TIME TO GET MY 15 CHAPTER UP!

Mike: Joey doesn't own Zelda or anything in it and whatever else he uses

Joey: NOW ONTO THE STORY!

Chapter 15: The Well and Pissing About

Link: HI SHIEK

Shiek: uh hi link… (walks off)

Link: Joey where to?

Joey: well we gotta go to Kakriko Village

Link: why

Mike: to get a magical lens

Link: OK

(at Kakriko Village)

Navi: now we gotta go to the windmill first

Link: well then lets go

(in the windmill)

Link: hey what happens if I go in front of the guy and take out my ocarina?

Windmill Guy: You… you remind me of a kid that came in here 7 years ago and fucked up my windmill he played this song. (plays song)

Link: (Copys it) whoa look at the windmill

(the windmill goes nuts and drains the well)

Link: oh cool…

Joey: well at least he can figure stuff out now

Navi: yup that's always a good thing

Mike: now what?

Joey: the well is blocked in this time we gotta go back in time

Link: what do you mean back in time im only 11

Joey: uhh like when you pulled out the master sword we went 7 years into the future and you aged 7 years.. your 18

Link: really? (gropes himself) YAY I AM 18!

(at the temple of time)

Link: well looks like we gotta go back….. (gropes himself again) goodbye…

Joey: link well be back in like an hour..

Link: oh… OK! (puts the sword back)

7 years in the past

Link: ok TO KAKRIKO

(at kakriko)

(in the windmill)

Link: here it goes (plays song)

Windmill Guy: YOU I WILL NEVER FORGET THIS…. NEVER

(outside the windmill)

Link: that guy is scary

Joey: you think he is scary look at the happy mask salesmen

Mike: ok well then lets go into the well

(in the well)

Navi: link the spirits here are talking to me…..

Link: yea and my stomachs talking to me too (eats navi) can you hear them in there?

Joey: (activates X-ray Visor) this wall is fake

Link: ok (runs head on into the wall) owch..

Joey: not that wall… that wall

Link: ok (goes through the correct wall this time)

Joey: good

(a few rooms later)

Joey: there is a boss in here

Link: is he hard

Joey: no not really just attack the hands til lthe body pops up and kill it

Link: ok (does that) that boss was rediculas

Joey: yea I know

Mike: even link didn't have problems fighting it

Joey: that's really really hard to do.

Link: hey a chest (im not sure if you get the lens in that room but oh well) (opens it) a magnifying glass? Doesn't this come in Contac lenses?

Joey: nope

Link: damn

Joey: well time to become adults again

Link: YAY!

(they do that)

(in ruined Hyrule town)

Link: since when have these redeads been here?

Joey: since we first became adults

Chris (one of my friends from school) (does the one thing from Shaun of the Dead): Dibba dibba dibba dibba dib

Link: who the hell was that?

Joey: no one

Link: well I heard Malon is giving away a cow to whoever can beat her time at raceing

Joey: uh I dunno why you want a cow but ok lets go!

(at Lon Lon ranch)

Link: hey where is Malon?

Joey: have you tried knocking on the door?

Link: oh yea (knocks)

Nick: (another friend appearance) (in just underwear): yes?

Malon: (walks up to door topless) who is it hone…. Oh its link….. umm theres a good explanation for all this…. But to be blunt he just has a bigger cock than you…

Joey: holy shit you gotta be pritty damn small to be smaller than nick.

Nick: yea like 8in to 4in

Joey: (coughs): sorry I'm allergic to bullshit.

Nick : oh yea its more like 8in to 1in

Link: hey (gets into a fistfight with nick)

Joey: yea right more like 1in to 1/6in ( disappears and reappears next to Malon) if you want a real guy meet me here after the chapter (hands her a little piece of paper)

Malon: ok!

Nick: (has kicked links ass 10x over) too easy

Mike: and that proves link can get beat by anyone

Malon: link you can take the cow no one won you can just have it

Link: (is bruised on every part of his body) owwwww,….. Thanks

Malon: it will be at your house

Link: (sarcastically) oh boy…..

Joey: didn't you want the cow?

Link: yea but I hoped it would follow us not stay in my house

Joey: well your problem well we have to get something from lake Hylia

(They go there)

Link: ok what

Joey: we gotta wait untie the sun comes up then you gotta shoot an arrow into it

Link: ok

8 hours later

(sun comes up)

Link: bout damn time (shoots and arrow into it)

(fire arrow comes down)

Link: Yay (goes and gets it)

Joey: you know we could have just played the suns song..

Link: GOD DAMNIT!

To be continued…

Joey: well that's my 15th chapter gotta go! Later!

Mike: next chapter will be up sooner!


	16. Chapter 16

Joey: Well this is a quick update!

Mike: yea… Well…umm… oh yea!

Joey doesn't own anything he puts in his story!

Joey: NOW ONTO THE STORY!

Chapter16: The Shadow Temple and…stuff!

(on the way to Kakriko village)

Link: you could have told me that we could have played the suns song… I STAYED UP FOR 8 HOURS WAITING FOR THE DAMN SUN TO COME UP!

Joey: well you never asked if there was a faster way

Link: I…. hate…you…….oop bathroom (runs off)

Mike: oh boy

(30 minutes later)

Navi: I'm back….

Joey: that's nice we should get going….

(They continue on the way to Kakriko)

Joey,Navi,Mike: (whispering to each other while walking behind link) heh hehe

Navi: you're so evil

Joey: I know (smacks link in the back of the head with the arm cannon)

Link: (gets knocked out)

An hour later

Link: ugh what the fuck happened (see epona sitting on him with a note attacked to her) ah (takes the note off) hmm first trick epona sitting on you read left hand for next trick…. I cant get my arm out from under her… I know! (takes out a bag of weed) hey epona fetch (throws it)

Epona: neeeeeeeeeer… (or whatever noise horses make) (takes off after it)

Link: good now (reads left hand) "trick 2 epon tied to left nut" oh shit….. oh theres more "read right hand for trick 3 I have a bad feeling about this…(reads right hand) "trick 3 right nut tied to fence post…" OH SHIT

(Something that resembles the sound of ripping paper is heard and screams for unbelievable pain)

Later…..

Joey Navi and Mike: (all laughting uncontrollably)

Link: I WILL KILL YOU ALL YOU JUST WAIT SUMDAY I WILL!

Joey: oh come on I cant leave a guy like that even if its link (snaps)

Link: (his "Happy Place" is healed) thank you.. BUT IM STILL GONNA KILL YOU!

Mike: yea whatever

Navi: we really got to get to Kakriko

Link: good lets go

(by now they are outside kakriko so the go in)

Link: look the target game house is on fire!

Joey: I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!

Everyone else looks at him

Joey: uhh….. ummm --

Sheik: hello!

Link: oh HI SHEIK!

Sheik: link you must hurry an evil moster that was sealed away long ago is in the village!

The black thing comes out of the well

Link: ill kill it

Black thing (attacks link and everyone else knocking them all out)

8 hours later

Link: ugh

Joey: bout time you got up… you're a wuss I had to chase it off befor it ate you.. I personally didn't care but we need you for the storyline

Link:…yea thanks…whatever

Shiek: well I must teach you the song to get to the monster

Link: do we really need this one?

Sheik: yep

Link: bout time we got one we needed

Sheik: just learn the damn song

Link: (learns the song)

Mike: lets go!

(they warp)

Link: it was in the graveyard the whole time…. I coulda jumped up here

Joey: its an RPG you cant jump only I can.

Link: damn it

Mike: well you got to use dins fire to open the door

Link: ok (casts dins fire) sweet

Navi: (was roasted by the flames) owwwwww

Link: oohhh YUMMY (eats navi)

Joey: well shall we go in?

Link: hmmm needs salt…

Mike: well lets go in

(they enter)

Link: this place is scary…

Joey: just go across the gap

(they do that)

In the center room

A groudo runs by: HELP ME! (is followed by a pack of groudos)

Link: what the hell

Joey: don't got a clue

Statue: you cannot find the real skull

Link: I bet I can..

Joey: let's not do that just yet

Link: why?

Joey: we need a treasure of the dungeon

Link: ok…

(they get to the underground part)

Joey: link this wall is fake…

Link: OK (runs straight into the wall)

Joey: that's weird this wall should be fake…

9 hours later

Link: (runs straight into the wall one last time and breaks the wall down) yay!

Joey: hard head

Justin: HOWD YOU FIND MY NEW SUGAR STASH!

Joey: I was making link run into walls

Justin: oh… (walks out of the stash and 9 different doors shut like in the movies)

Link: so… how do you get back in?

Justin:…. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Joey: yup… I'm surrounded by idiots…

Mike: not me

Joey : yea accept you…

Justin: I KNOW ILL TUNNEL IN!

Joey: good luck with that.

Mike: well we need to go into that room

Link: ok (they go into the hover boot room)

Joey: you gotta fight the hand again

Link: aww its too easy

Joey: fine ill fight it ill use my new ability (morphs into a Grizzly Bear) I can morph into animals

Link: awsome!

(hand appears)

Joey: (tears the boss to shreds): that was fun!

Chest appears

Link: YAY (opens it) SHINYNESS! (drools) its just sum boots..

Joey: these ones let you fly for a bit!

Link: kick ass

Mike: lets go back to the main room shall we?

Joey: lets

(back in the main room)

Link: now what?

Joey: use your lens to push it to the real skull

Link: OK!

(lets check on justin shall we)

Under lake Hylia

Justin: ill tunnel my way in from here (farts and pulls out a drill and shoots through the side of the lake) weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee (gets into the stash) YAY ( the sugar flows through the hole in the floor and into lake hylia) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (gets sucked down the hole)

(Back to link & co.)

Link: this is the 9th time I've done this

Joey: oh my god

Link: (finally gets it right) whoo hoo (puts on hover boots and goes across the gap)

Mike: well he is learning…

Joey: well lets follow him

Link: oh no don't tell me

Joey: you gotta get all the silver rupees

Link: DAMN IT!

(After many fairies)

Joey: now we can advance!

(just to speed this up lets go to the boss room!)

Link: (knocks on the boss door)

Boss: who is it?

Link: your mom

Boss: bout time you got here

Link: dumbass….

Joey: link that wasn't really funny

(They go into the boss room)

BongoBongo: you know that wasn't really funny…

Link: --

Link: well lets fight (unsheathes his sword)

BB: ok (begins to hit the drum)

Link: oh shit (gets shot off the drum) noo I wont lose! (shoots hookshot and hits joey and latches to him and pulls himself back to the drum)

Joey: wow your getting smarter….

Link: thanks (gets flattened by a hand) ow…

BB: YOU WIL NOT KILL ME!

Link: (shoots 3 arrows at once and hits all 3 parts) haha (beats BB with Biggoron sword)

Joey: lucky shots

Link: -- shut up….

Joey: well use your luck and do it again..

Link: ok (hits the hands) damn (shoots the eye) now die (Uses Biggoronsword)

BB: noooooooooo (dies) (a/n yes you can kill BB with the biggoron sword in 2 trys)

Joey: this was rediculas

Link: no no no NOT THE PORTAL AGAIN!

Joey: just go through it

Link: aww man (goes through)

(screams are heard)

in the sacred relm

Link: look its impa!

Impa: you… boy I will tell you that Zelda is safe… I have done my part but now that I have become a sage I ask you to protect her for me! Oh and here is the medallion use its power to find Zelda!

Link: whatever (takes the medallion)

To be continued…

Joey: that is my chapter oh yea whoever left the anonymous review with the name of Death just e-mail me (go to my Bio and use that e-mail address) and I might be able to get you into the story!

Mike: well see ya next time!


	17. Chapter 17

Joey: HELLO EVRYONE! I AM STILL ALIVE! SCHOOLS ALMOST OVER! Sorry for being so long for an update as usual school and stuff.

Mike: Well why don't we get the chapter started?

Joey: Yes cant keep them waiting any longer!

Disclaimer: Joey doesn't own anything he decides to put in this story.

Joey: NOW ONTO THE STORY!

Chapter 17: Desert Temple n'stuff

Link: ok so where do we need to go?

Joey: Back to Groudo Valley!

Mike: great…

Link: well lets get going!

(at the tent outside groudo valley)

Carpenter Leader: Can you get my carpenters back? They wanted to become thieves but got their asses stuck in jail.

Navi: Idiots

Joey: SURE

Link: HOLD ON I NEVER SAID YES

Joey: Who cares.

Link: --

(They enter groudo valley)

Link: (walks out in the open)

Groudo: HEY YOU STOP!

Joey: Crap

(They get thrown in jail)

Link: Now what

Navi: Link look theirs some wood above that window

Link: yea so?

Joey: You can use your hookshot to latch onto the window and get out (jumps up to the window)

Link: oh ok (shoots hookshot and flies up and hits his head on the ceiling)

Mike: (sigh)

Link: look over there (points to the groudo on the roof)

Joey: She looks different than the others

Link: yea she doesn't have red hair…. Or implants

Joey: Ill go check it out (morphs into a bird and flys over there and unmorphs)

Mike: ok you got to jump down

Link: DAMNIT

Joey: (pokes Fangz)

Fangz: DON'T TOUCH ME! (slaps Joey)

Joey: X X

Fangz: Oh, it's just you. I thought you were another one of those

lesbies trying to grope me.

Mike: Wait, if they're all Lesbies, why did they sleep with Justin?

Fangz: I dunno, maybe they're bi. But that's not the point! The point

is, they all keep...(shudder)...hitting on me.

Joey: Well then, you wanna come with me and Link?

Fangz: (grabs Joey by the shoulders) PLEASE take me with you!

Joey: oo Okay, okay!

Fangz: So, where are we going now?

Joey: (explains the entire quest from the shadow temple up to this

Point)...So now we're going to the Spirit Temple.

Fangz: Oh, okay. That place is so cool!

Link: (pokes Fangz from behind)

Fangz: AIEEE! (punches Link off the building) Who the hell was that?

Joey: That… was Link.

Fangz: Who's Li--Oh, the Idiot of Time...who names their kid Link?

That's a lousy name.

Mike: I have no idea...

Fangz: I don't care what kind of hero he is. If he touches me, he's a

dead man.

Joey: I'll give him the warning.

Fangz: Good. (Crosses arms)

(A hookshot grapple flies up, grabs a Gerudo, and pulls her off onto

Link.)

Link: OWIE!

Gerudo: (pummels Link)

Fangz: Is he a perv?

Joey: No, he didn't mean to do that… I think.

Fangz: Riiight.

Joey: Most people confuse him for a perv, but he's really just stupid.

Fangz: Really, is there a difference these days?

Mike: Well, he's got the intelligence span of a teaspoon.

Fangz: A teaspoon on drugs? Or just a normal teaspoon?

Joey: Yeah, that sounds about right. Well, first we have to free the

carpenters.

Fangz: Oh, those fat slobs? The Gerudos are using them for S and M

practice.

Joey: Huh...what's S and M?

Fangz: Uhhh...(awkward silence)...It's when people use stuff like

handcuffs, collars, and leashes and stuff for...uh...you know.

Joey: Oh...okay. SAY NO MORE! Well, we should save them, still. Maybe we can use

Justin as a distraction.

Fangz: Refresh my memory. Who's Justin?

Joey: Oh, he's the hyped up weirdo on sugar you might have seen him

here he was being deprived of sugar for 12 hours to pass the "test".

Fangz: Test?...Oh, gross! (hitches up tiny Gerudo top over cleavage)

Joey: Yeah, uh, well, have you seen him? He landed here with fire

coming out of his butt.

Fangz: Not recently. I did hear some rather unpleasant screaming in the

"torture" chamber, though. Sounds like heartburn.

Joey: I'll explain that later.

Fangz: Any chance that on this mystical quest, we might find some

decent clothes?

Joey: Here, wear this. (gives Fangz Link's Zora Tunic) Should do until

we get to Hyrule market.

Fangz: Good. If I hafta walk around in this indecency surrounded by

lezbos much longer, I'll turn skank and run loose in a bikini.

Joey: That would be scary.

Fangz: Admit it, you'd like it. (sniffs tunic) When was the last time

this was washed?...Actually, was this ever washed?

Joey: Dunno. HEY LINK, WHEN DID YOU LAST WASH THAT TUNIC?

Link: What's "wash" mean?

Fangz: AUGH! (tosses tunic over cliff and accidentally onto Link's

Face)

Link: OWIE! (falls off)

Fangz: Oops! (looks over the edge) sorry!

Link: xX

Joey: He'll be fine.

Fangz: Oh, good. So I can stop caring, then?

Joey: Yeah, sounds good to me.

Fangz: So, why haven't we left for the Spirit Temple yet?

Joey: We have to go save some carpernters. Come on, let's go. (Snaps

fingers and Link appears on roof)

Fangz: Okay, whatever. How many do you have left?

Joey: All of them.

Fangz: WHAT! Aww, come ON!

Joey: This dumbass got caught. (points to Link)

Fangz: I don't want to hafta deal with FOUR lesbi gerudos because of

the dumbass! (also points to Link)

Joey: Well, you said you'd come with us. And besides, Link has a

strange ability to kill almost anything.

Fangz: Oh thank god. I thought I'd actually have to do something.

Joey: Depends. Maybe not if Link doesn't just ogle at them like an

Imbecile.

Fangz: Which he is bound to do.

Joey: Could be. Well, I can still fight, too. (shows off his arm

Cannon) Let's go.

(Inside the fortress)

(Gerudo drops from ceiling)

Joey: Link, kill him. Err, her.

Link: Okay! (charges at Gerudo)

Gerudo: (pulls swords randomly out of nowhere)

Link: oO (runs away like a sissy)

Fangz: That was expected. You or I deal with her?

Joey: Neither of us. Mike!

Mike: Yes?

Joey: Get her!

Mike: YAY FOOD! (eats Gerudo guard)

Fangz: So, how many times can he do that?

Joey: As many as he wants, but it gets old after awhile...Link, get

your ass in here!

Link: (stutters) Yeh yeh yes?

Joey: Let's go.

Fangz: Sissy.

(They free the carpenter)

Link: ye ye ye yess?

(He gets all thankful and goes off)

(in the next room, another Gerudo guard drops down and pulls swords

outta nowhere)

Joey: You wanna deal with this one?

Fangz: No way, man! Sic Mike on her!

Joey: Mike is eating thew other gerudos i guess ill take this one

Fangz: Be my guest.

Joey: Ok but you take the next one (gun changes into Phazon Beam) hehehe (blows the

Gerudo into a pile of ash) CRISPY

(They free the carpenter and go to the ext room)

(You know what happens…)

Joey: You need a weapon?

Fangz: No, I've got some. (pulls random swords out of nowhere)

Link: Sweet!

Fangz: On-guarde!

Gerudo: Hey, Fangz. Whatcha up to? (wink)

Fangz: (repulsed) I'm about to kill you. Why?

Gerudo: I've got a death wish! (makes a disgusting kissy face)

Fangz: Don't care! (slashes the crap outta the last guard)

Joey: (watches as Fangz pummles the guard) Well that was fun to watch

Fangz: (finished) You guys don't know how many step out that way

Mike: (returns after eating the other Gerudos) HELLO!

Fangz: Hey, Mike. Have fun?

Mike: YEP!

Fangz: Good. The less freak lesbis there are creeping around here, the

better. Im not homophobic, but boy...they really creep me out

sometimes.

Joey: Yea, they are kinda scary.

(carpenter hands them a pass on the gerudo grounds)

Link: Well, don't we gotta open the gate?

Joey: Yep

(at the gate)

Fangz: You know, I could have done that for you

Link: You never said you could!

Fangz: You never asked.

Joey: I knew, but I like to make link do stuff that we can do already.

Fangz: That's always fun.

Navi: HI!

Joey: Jesus Christ, kill me now.

Fangz: HEY LINK LOOK! (points to quicksand) A sandbox! Go make a

castle!

Link: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

(after Link makes 3,892 castles)

Joey: Wow, Link.

Fangz: Why didn't he sink? The bastard was supposed to sink!

Joey: HE DIDNT SINK?

Link: I'm not stupid (shows Hover Boots)

Joey: Errrm, yes you are. (points to hover boots) They only last for 2

seconds.

Link: Oh shit. (sinks)

Fangz: Ha! I was just gonna borrow author powers to make

em disappear, but that way's more fun!

Joey: YEP (puts navi in the quicksand) BYE NAVI!

Fangz: I love you. I hate her so much.

Joey: So do I.

Fangz: Good to see her die.

Joey: (contented sigh) Yep...HEY mike use your tentacle to get Link out

Fangz: Don't bother. Let him drown

Mike: Okie dokie! (pulls link out)

Joey: He only listens to me.

Fangz: Damn.

Joey: Sadly, we need him.

Fangz: (sigh) you guys never let me have any fun.

Joey: Well, we need his sword, only he can use it not even I the author

can wield it. It's kinda strange.

Fangz: Damn game makers ruin everything.

Joey: oh well hes fun to mess with

Fangz: True, true.

Joey: Like the quicksand just now.

Fangz: Much like a rather stupid pet. Or McDonald's toy.

Joey: EXACTLY!

Fangz: Makes sense enough for me.

Mike: Well, we gotta get through the desert.

Fangz: Meet you guys there! (runs wildly off into the sandstorm)

Joey: We should follow her...

Link: Ok, sure, let's go.

Navi: (comes out of the quicksand) WAIT FOR ME!

(in the sandstorm)

Fangz: (disappears into the next wave of sand)

Joey: Damn she's fast.

Link: Ok, let's go. (walks into the storm and reappears at the

Gates)...What the fuck?

Joey: You gotta find yer way through yerself.

Fangz: (is sitting on a pole) I knew you'd do that. Stupid loser.

Mike: Doesn't that hurt? The pole is pointed at the top you know.

Fangz: Not this one. I sanded it...get it? Sand?...(gods are angry at

sissy pun and is thrown off into quicksand)

Joey: (laughs hysterically)

(Fangz appears at the gates)

Fangz: There is sand in very uncomfortable places.

Link: Umm, do we really need to know that?

Fangz: Yes. Yes you do.

Link: ok then (writes it down on a notepad) Well, we should get going

(on notepad is a drawing of a peanut)

Joey: This time dont get lost. (looks at Fangz) And no puns!

Fangz: I'm going back into the desert to laugh at your cluelessness.

(disappears randomly)

Joey: Whoa...

(at the river of sand)

Link: how do we get across?

Fangz: (voice from above) SWIM!

Link: NO! THE VOICES NOT AGAIN! AAHHHHHHHHH! (runs in circles

Screaming) GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

Fangz: SWIM DAMN YOU SWIM!

Joey: LINK DON'T DO IT!

Fangz: SWIM EHEEHEEHEEHEE!

Link: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (continues

Screanming)

Fangz: Oh, fuck this.

Joey: HEY LINK! LOOK! CANDY! (points at Navi)

Link: (stops screaming) CANDY! (eats Navi)

Joey: Link, now use your hookshot to latch onto the pole and it will

reel you across.

Fangz: (appears behind Joey and crams hand under his helmet to cover

his mouth) SHHH!

Link: (attempts to use hookshot but his the wrong pole and lands in the

Quicksand)

Fangz: Ha ha! (points and laughs with other hand)

Joey: (bites Fangz's hand)

Fangz: (crunch) OW! Now you're gonna die! (tackles Joey and lands them

both in quicksand)

(they both appear at gates)

Joey: DAMN IT!

Fangz: Whatever, I know this place like this bite on my finger...does

it look infected to you?...Anyways, I know this desert inside and

out...but you don't...what does that tell you?

Link: Uhh...6?

Joey: Idiot… Ok, lead us, then.

Fangz: How much you got on ya? (cocks eyebrow)

Joey: Link has the money.

(They both turn to Link)

Link: (is eating something really crunchy) What?...OW, I GOT A CUT IN

MY MOUTH! (spits out bag of rupees--all the rupees are crunched up)

Joey: Damnit, Link!

Mike: Once again links stupidity gets us screwed.

Fangz: And not the good kind. (nudges remnants of rupees on ground with

Foot) Hey Link want some salt?

Link: Salt? YAY (eats some salt) AAAAAIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE IT BURNS

Fangz: Well, what else ya got?

Joey: Not much. I got my suit, Mike doesent got anything, and Link has

the sword...and some other weird worthless stuff.

Fangz: Like bellybutton lint, as I can see.

Link: (is picking his bellybutton) What?

Joey: Oh, and I got this bag of sugar I stole from Justin.

Fangz: And nothing else? No virgin sacrifice?

Joey: Nope...unless you want Link.

Fangz: I don't think the Gods would accept him.

Joey: Well that's all we got.

Fangz: Hmmm. (thinks and chews lip) How about...erm...what do I

want?...

Link: Hey, Joey has that white powder stuff he hides in his helmet!

Joey: How'd you find out about that!

Fangz: Really now. Come on, Joey, out with it.

Joey: Oh, fine. (takes off helmet and takes out a bag of "white

powder") Here.

Fangz: What is it? Laundry detergent sample?...Cocaine?

Joey: Shhhhhh!

Fangz: Why do you have coke in your helmet?

Joey: That's where I hide it.

Fangz: Let me rephrase the question: WHY do you have coke?

Joey: Hoped one day I could sell it to make money in an emergency

situation…

Fangz: Well, is this emergency enough for you?

Joey: Here you go...Excuse me a minute (grabs Link by the neck and

carries him off)

(screams of pain are heard)

Fangz: ...I'll wait 'til they get back.

Joey: (comes back holding link by the neck still but now link is

scorched and is glowing blue)

Fangz: Okay then...(pockets coke) Where to, boys?

Joey: The Desert Temple.

Fangz: Alright. Try to keep up. (lightly jogs wildly off into the

Distance)

Joey: (hovers in the air and flys off after Fangz)

Link: Damn, I'm always the one left behind.

Fangz: There's a reason for that.

Mike: Okay, let's go. (grabs Link by the head and carries him off)

(At the river of sand)

Fangz: Okay, so what you do here is...crap...I forgot...I always jump

it. Can you guys jump it?

Joey: I can jump it, but Link can't.

Fangz: That's a shame. Looks like we'll hafta go on without him.

Joey: (uses spacejump and does a multijump across the river)

Fangz: (pole-vaults)

Link: Hello? What about me?

Joey: Urgh...Link, shoot me with your hookshot; it will latch to my

armor and pull you to me.

Link: (clumsily succeeds)

Joey: Well, at least we made it across this time.

Fangz: Okay, so there's all these retarded poles you hafta go through,

but let's cheat...I have an idea.

Joey: Would you like to share this idea?

Fangz: It's a surpise. (winks cheekily and leads them off into howling

Sand)

Joey: Whatever, let's folow her.

(They follow after her)

Joey: Okay, so what is your plan?

(There's a huge-ass sand pit with a guy sitting on a floating carpet

over it)

Link: Whoa...

Joey: (blasts him off the carpet and they take the carpet and Bombchus)

Fangz: Well, that's a much simpler plan.

Joey: What was your plan?

Link: (hums Aladdin song)

Fangz: That was basically it, but in a more polite way.

(They use the carpet and get to the temple)

(Fangz prepares to leave)

Joey: Aww, you don't wanna explore with us?

Fangz: I've been here before. I'll just wait around in here somewhere.

If you can't make it through, here's my pager number.

Joey: Okay. (takes it)

Fangz: 1-800-666-what?

Joey: Hey, Link, there is one last magic ability you need to learn!

Link: And what is that?

Joey: Nayru's Love.

Fangz: Aww, somebody loves you!

(They go into the fairy's fountain)

Fangz: Well, you guys, have fun with that. I'm going to go check out

the temple to make sure there ain't weird shit goin' down.

(Fangz leaves)

(fairy comes out of the water)

Link: HAHAHAHAHA SHE HAS POINTY BOOBS TOO!

Fairy: I shall now give you the power of Nayru's love.

Link: (gets power) Ok...now what can I do?

Joey: You can make a crystal shield around you to make you invincible.

Link: YAY!

(they are now in the temple)

Link: (looks around) how are we supposed to go anywhere?

Joey: And how did Fangz get past this room?

(Joey's cell rings)

Joey: (answers it) Hello?

Fangz: By the way, security's tight. Good luck getting past all that

crap...it's worse than the airlines.

Joey: Crap.

Fangz: Alright, just a heads-up. Toodles! (click)

Joey: Well we should go outside ill bet shiek will be out there

Link: Oh… do I got to learn another one of those stupid songs?

Joey: Yes but we actually need this one too

Link: Oh…. Works for me!

(They get outside)

Shiek: HELLO!

Link: Just teach me the song.

Shiek: -- Well in order to get farther into the temple you need to go back in time. The Master sword serves as a boat between the two times…

Link: We already knew that I went back in time before…

Shiek: --

Joey: Ok Link you can use the teleport song and ill meet you at the Temple of Time.

Link: Ok (Plays the teleport song very out of pitch)

Joey: (sighs snaps fingers and teleports him and Mike)

(At the Temple of Time)

Link: Ok well are we ready?

Joey: Hang on got to call Fangz the Hyrule Market isnt destroyed back then so she can get herself some decent cloths… (Calls Fangz and tells her what they are gonna do and to get to the temple)

Fangz: (Jumps down from the roof) ok im here

Link: That was fast

Fangz: But if we are going 7 years back in time wouldn't it make me little too?

Joey: Naa only Link I go back and forward through time with my powers so I don't change I can use that power on you too.

Fangz: Ok well are we all ready?

Link: YEP (Puts the sword in the Pedestal and dissapears)

Joey: Alrighty then (snaps and He Mike and Fangz dissapear)

To Be Continued…

Joey: Well that's it I promise a quicker update next time! And Er other stuff… BYE!


	18. Chapter 18

Joey: HELLO EVRYONE! I AM BACK AND READY TO WRITE NOW THAT SCHOOLS OUT !

Mike: its about damn ti….. What the hell did you do to your hair?

Joey: oh yea I dyed my hair Blue…

Mike: (rolls eyes) great… well do you wanna do the disclaimer?

Joey: SURE! (im hyper Today)

Disclaimer: I do not own anything I decide to put in this story… HOWEVER! I do own a copy of The Legend of Zelda OOT and the idea of Mike .

Mike: (sighs)

Joey: NOW ONTO THE STORY!

Chapter 18: Hyrule Market And The Temple.

(Everyone Reappears accept Link is a child)

Fangz: WHOA THAT WAS WEIRD… (Pulls up groudo top)

Joey: yea its weird the first time…. Boy that sounds wrong…

Mike: yea that did… Well shouldn't we stop in the Market to get Fangz some real Cloths?

Fangz: YES PLEASE (pulls up groudo top again) I can't wait to get out of these and into some real cloths.

Joey: Speaking of Weird I haven't seen Nick or Justin for a while… hmmm

(In a dark room Nick and Justin are watching a TV)

Justin: sugar sugar sugar sugar sugar

(Waffle commercial comes on) LEGGO MY EGGO

Justin: oooooooo Waffle Waffle Waffle Waffle Waffle (continues to repeat)

(Girls Gone Wild commercial comes on)

Nick: Hey didn't I use to manage them? HEY THERES MY SISTER! I did manage them!

Justin: Well Time to eat (Pours some cereal) THERES A MESSAGE IN MY CERIAL! It says Ahhhhhh

Nick: those are Cheerios how can they say Ahhh?

(back to Link and Co.)

Link: Well how are we gonna pay for all the new stuff?

Joey: Let me Handle that! (snaps and lots of Gold Rupees appear) There have fun.

Link: YAY SHINY (drools)

Mike: Idiot…

Navi: Wait why didn't you do that when you where trying to pay Fangz to take you across the desert?

Link: (stops drooling) WHAT! HEY YEA WHY DIDN'T YOU?

Fangz: Because I can tell these are Counterfeit…

Link: HOW!

Fangz: Well I may not like being a groudo but I was trained as a thief I can tell what's real and what's fake and such.

Mike: Really? How good are you at stealing stuff?

Fangz: hehe (disappears and reappears within 2 seconds and has links sword) how's that?

Link: huh? (looks and sees his sword is gone) HEY!

Joey: impressive ok well to town!

(outside the temple of time)

Nick: (on the roof of the Temple of Time holding binoculars) hmm ah hey look! Its Joey (goes into the binoculars) oh and he has a new friend! (Looks at Fangz) hmm She looks like a groudo… accept she doesn't have red hair… (Watches as Link trips and everyone stumbles over him) ooh or implants!

Ooh Natural Girl! (Jumps off the roof behind the Temple of Time and runs off towards town giggling stupidly)

(back to Link and Co.)

Fangz, Joey & Mike: (in unison) LINK YOU IDIOT!

Link:…… oops…

Fangz: (sighs and gets off of everyone)

(A/N she was last in line and link was in first we wherein the middle hehe SQUISH!)

Fangz: god he's dumb… (Pulls up groudo top)

Joey: Well you agreed to follow us I'm sorry you'll just have to deal with him like the rest of us.

Mike: yea sorry

Fangz: Whatever…. Oh well lets get to town quickly.

Like: ok ….

(they enter town)

Link: sweet everything's back to normal!

Fangz: Well im gonna need some money.

Link: Me too!

Joey: whoa ok ok (starts to hand out the money)

(nick is scene in the background sneaking closer to Fangz)

Nick: he he he he (gets almost directly behind Fangz)

Fangz: (little exclamation point appears above her head) argh (Fangz Whips around and punches Nick across the Market)

Nick: AIIIEEEE

Fangz: IF YOU GET THAT THING NEAR ME AGAIN ILL BREAK IT!

Nick: (Thinking: ooh she's gonna be a hard one to get…)

Fangz: well? Anything to say?

Joey: Leave him alone! That's Nick he's a perve you better watch your back…

Mike: I think she can handle herself no need to tell her….

Fangz: next time you get near me im gonna beat you to a pulp! (pulls up groudo top)

Nick: YEA "BEAT" ME "BEAT" ME

Fangz: oh that's it (jumps at Nick and a cartoon cloud fight appear)

Joey: ooh that must hurt oww

Link: (hides his head in his hat)

(the cloud disappears and Fangz has Pinned nick to the ground with one hand and has a dagger raised in the other)

Nick: (thinking: ooh this will get interesting)

Fangz: Your lucky that wer in the middle of a town or you'd be dea- (her top falls off) eeek

Nick: (eyes get to the size of Dinner Plates) Wow I will die a happy man.

Link: (eyes do the same thing)

Mike: Humans have the strangest interest in the most disgusting parts of the human body….

Joey: (snaps and her top appears back on Fangz) there ya go

Fangz: Thank- (notices Nick is gone) What The Fuck?

Joey: he's a Tricky one…

Fangz: (in an evil voice) don't worry ill get my revenge you'll see….

Joey: whoa…

Navi: well now that ordeal is over why don't you go and buy some cloths?

Fangz: good idea

(8 hours later)

Fangz: (is now wearing a Black Tank Top and Blue Jeans with holes cut in the knees) well im ready.

Link: (wherever he keeps his equipment is now bulging with stuff) so am I

Joey: Where's Navi?

Link: umm…….. I got hungry…

Joey: S'alright we don't need her anyway

Mike: didn't you buy anything?

Joey: don't need to I got all the ammo I need

Fangz: ok well are we going to the Temple now?

Link: Do we have to go through the Groudo Fortress again?

Joey: no don't you remember you learned the song.

Link: oh yea (plays the song very badly)

(Everyone teleports)

At the Temple

Link: a well look like nothing changed… hey look it's a chick!

Nabooru: What are you doing here?

Link: nothing really…

Nabooru: hmmm really? Could you do me a favor?

Link: sure why not?

Nabooru: Ok I need you to get me The Silver Gauntlets.

Link: uhh ok

Joey: you need to go through that hole in the wall.

Link: uhh ok how are you gonna get through?

Joey: Morph Ball.

Link: oh ok… (crawls through the space)

Joey: (Morph Ball and Follows)

Link: well Lets go

(After many traps and fights and such)

Link: Finally!

Fangz: Its not over yet look.

Link: (looks and sees the Iron Knuckle) oh hell no…

Joey: oh yes… Link you gotta fight it.

Link: OMG… just great

(an hour later link has the crap beaten out of him and hasent even got the first layer of armor off)

Link: h…h…help…

Joey: Jesus these guys are easy to beat… look how slow it moves

Link:…………….

Joey: oh fine (jumps high into the air and lands behind it and shoots the back of the Iron Knuckle with the Power Beam) there see.

Iron Knuckle: (starts to move faster now)

Link: argh

(a few hours later Link actually killed it)

Joey: see?

Link: I only beat it cause I could hit it anywhere and hurt it.

Fangz: Yea so?

Link: -- Lets go

(in the next room)

Link: A CHEST! (opens it and gets the Silver Gauntlets) SHINY (drools)

Voice From Nowhere: EEEK HELP

Link: WTF (runs in the direction of the scream)

Nabooru: (is getting sucked into a portal) LINK GET OUT OF HERE NOW!

Link: no need to tell me Twice! (runs like hell)

Joey, Fangz, And Mike: (sigh and chase after him)

Joey: aww come on you don't want to save her?

Link: no

Fangz: But you could have gotten sucked into the portal!

Link: EXACTLY

Fangz: Damn…….

Joey: well we got to go Back To the Future! (no pun intended)

Link: oh ok

(At the Temple of Time)

Link: Alright time to Pull the Sword. (tryes to pull the sword but cant) WTF

Joey: Idiot…… (snaps and the sword comes out)

Link: YA-(gets teleported back to the future)

Joey: ok (teleports evryone)

(in the future)

Link: (appears) YAY IM 18 AGAIN!

(everyone else appears)

Fangz: well now we got to go to the Temple again?

Link: yes..yes we do

Joey: ok Link Teleport us

Link: ok (plays the song badly)

(teleports)

Link: ok I cant go into the hole…. So how do we get farther?

Joey: put on the Silver Gauntlets idiot.

Link: ohh and I got to push that block I GET IT (trys to push the Block but cant) damn

Fangz: (laughs hystarically)

Joey: Link… give me a Bomb…..

Link: WHY? Are you gonna hurt me with it?

Joey: JUST GIVE ME A DAMN BOMB!

Link: ok ok. (hands Joey a Bomb)

Joey: (loads the Bomb into his arm cannon and puts a power Bomb in after it) hehehe (Charges up his cannon and Shoots a Super Missile with the 2 bombs on it)

(outside the Temple) KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM (a whole wall gets blasted out of the temple)

(evrything but the block is gone)

Joey: well… that was odd… oh well I guess ill just do this (picks up the block and tosses it out the hole in the wall)

Link: Wow….

Fangz: Well lets continue!

(A/N I don't know the rest of this Temple so I'm just kinda gonna skip to the parts I know)

(outside the Colossus)

Link: ooh a chest! (opens it) Look at this new SHIELD! (holds the Mirror Shield) Damn this is heavy…

Joey: you need it to beat the boss.

Link: ahhhh.

(in the Boss room)

Link: oh no not another Iron Knuckle…. This one has a bigger axe….

Joey: Throw Bombchus at it

Link: oh ok (tosses Bombchus)

Iron Knuckle: (helmate falls off)

Link: ITS NABOORU

Koume&Kotake: (take away Nabooru)

Link: NOOOOO

Joey: Shut up.

Link:……….

Fangz: Arent we gonna go kill them?

Link: YEA (runs down the hall into the Real Boss Chamber)

Koume&Kotake: (shoot Fire Balls at Link)

Link: EEEK (lifts shield and it bounces the Fire onto the Ice Sister)

Koume&Kotake: (not sure witch one) EEEEEEK(fires Ice)

Link: hmmmmmm (blocks it and bounces it at the Fire Sister)

Koume&Kotake: AIIEE

Link: hehe this is easy!

Joey: wow link is WINNING!

Fangz: WOW

Mike: jeeze this must be the end of the world!

Koume&Kotake: (form together into TWINROVA!)

Link: SHIT

Twinrova: (shoots Fire)

Link: hmm this is familiar (hold up shield but this time it absorbs the fire)

Joey: Link absorb 3 of the same type and shoot it at her!

Link: (nods and absorbs 3) (fires a huge beam at her) HOLY SHIT!

Twinrova: ARGH (falls)

Fangz: Link hit her with your sword!

Link: OKAY (Jumps over there and beats the shit out of Twinrova with his BiggoronSword)

Twinrova: (Gets back up)

Link: Rinse and Repeat! (absorbs 3 Ice Beams and Fires them back) hehe too easy (jumps over and kills Twinrova with the Biggoronsword) HA I WIN

(a/n yes according to a reliable source you can kill Twinrova in 2 turns with the Biggoronswrord)

(in the Chamber of Sages)

Link: HI NABOORU

Nabooru: Hey Link. I am now awakened as a Sage of Spirit. Here is the Medallion.

Link: Thanks (takes the Medallion)

Rauru: Link…..

Link: OH MY GOD IT'S A WHALE!

Rauru: … idiot now that you have all the medallions you must go and kill Gannondorf but you must return to the Temple of Time someone will greet you there to guide you further.

Link: (Appears outside the Temple of Spirit)

Joey: well I know what we gotta do so lets go!

Fangz: yes lets go

To Be Continued…

Joey: Well that's this chapter I cant believe this story is almost over.

Mike: Really! YES

Joey: (gives Mike a deathglare) Yes its almost over but I will be writeing another story and you will be in it!

Mike: OH great…

Joey: yes well SEE YOU NEXT CHAPTER!


	19. Chapter 19

Joey: ok its not summer vacation anymore… I can't believe I didn't write at all…

Mike: lazy basterd………

Joey: fuck you

Mike: whatever… I see your hair is now…. Pink…..

Joey: -- shut up… it was supposed to be red…. but why don't we start the story….

Disclaimer: I do not own Zelda, Metroid, yak yak yak you know I don't own anything by now….

NOW ONTO THE STORY!

Chapter 19: Gannons Tower.

At the Temple of Time

Link: oh hi Shiek

Shiek: well I had this long speech prepared but I forgot it so here I have something to show you (turns into Zelda)

Link: AHHH TANSVESTITE BACK OFF….

Joey: its just Zelda she was in disguise the whole time…. Idiot….

Link: oh… HOW DID YOU KNOW!

Mike: he's writing this story… he knows….

Link: AHHHH GET OUT OF MY HEAD

Fangz: is it me or is he getting dumber….

Joey: you'd be surprised….

Zelda: alright now Gannon is gonna capture me soon so I got to give you the light arrows (shoves her hand up her ass) oh c'mon its gotta be around here somewhere… (pulls out a chair) nope (pulls out a baseball bat) nope

Fangz: this may take a while….

(hours later)

Zelda: (with a pile of stuff behind her) nope (pulls out Navi)

Navi: how the hell did I end up in there….

Link: ummm plothole?

Zelda: AH HA (hands link the light arrow) well there you go- (gets trapped in a crystal)

Link: do I really want these arrows now?

Joey: well we do need them…

Link: oh… alright… (puts them wherever he keeps his stuff) lets go get Gannondorf

Fangz: well lets go…

(they all go off to Gannons Tower)

(at gannons tower)

Link: well how are we gonna get across?

Fangz: … Jump

Link: ALRIGHT (jumps off) AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Joey:… idiot….

(link appears next to evryone)

Link: what the hell

Navi: what is wrong with you?

Joey: you have no idea…..

(Sages make a bridge)

Mike: took them long enough….

Link: is it safe? I don't want to fall into that stuff again… whatever that is its not lava but hurts like hell….

Joey: sure it is look (walks across)

(evryone else walks across)

Link: oh okay (trys to walks across and falls through the bridge) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Mike: whyd you do that?

Joey: because its funnier to have us walk across without falling and he doesent…

Navi: hehehe

Link: (appears at the door) what the crap….

Fangz: oh come on lets just go inside now…

Link: good idea… I guess…

(they go inside)

Joey: please tell me you can at least make it by the beamos without getting hurt….

Link: maybe (runs across and acutally makes it without getting hurt)

Fangz: damn…. I was hoping hed get fried…

Joey: I CAN FIX THAT (flamethrows link)

Link: ahhh you son of a Bi—

Joey: ah shut your mouth….

Link: --

Mike: lets just go…. (Twitches) here we go again… (turns into a Fission Metroid)

Fangz: what the hell did he just do?

Joey: ill tell ya later this is gonna take a while

Navi: well what room should we enter first?

Link: ( keeps running into the shield on the door ) ow…… ow….. ow….

Joey: OMG what an idiot

Fangz: (pulls out popcorn and watches as link kills himself)

Navi: HEY LISTEN!

Link: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE NO ANYTHING BUT THAT……. STOP IT

Navi: Link we should go into the Purple room first

Joey: (reads guide) wow shes right….

Link: huh? Oh okay (goes into the purple room)

(everyone else follows)

Joey: okay you need to shoot that torch with a Fire Arrow…

Link: alrighty (shoots it and misses) damn (shoots again and misses again)

Fangz: oh god…

(an hour later)

Joey: oh screw this… (shoots the torch)

Link: -- I coulda done that….

Joey: just jump across the platforms and press the switch….

Fangz: maybe one of us should do that…..

Mike: naaa just let link go….

Link: (actually makes it across… ) ok now what…..

Joey: press the switch

Link: (presses the switch) ok (falls on the way back) CRRRAAAAAAPPPPPP!

Fangz: --

Link: (Appears next to the chest that appeared) whoa that's convenient…. (opens the chest and gets the Gold Gauntlets) hmmm what do these do

Joey: what do you think the silver ones do?

Link: ooohh these are just better….. I see.

Fangz: can we just hurry up and get to the sage….

Link: ok lets go then

(evryone makes it to the other side but link is only halfway there)

Mike: OH COME ON HURRY UP

Link: (gets to the other side) alright lets go

(they enter the room with the purple core… thing….)

Joey: alright… shoot it with a Light Arrow

Link: alrighty (shoots it and actually hits it)

Fangz: wow on the first try to

Link: whoa…. Why do I feel so drained all the sudden?

Joey: because Light Arrows use up a lot of your magic

Link: oh.. I see (falls over)

Impa: … idiot well I have lifted the seal… now get the hell out of here

(Link and Co. are teleported to the entrance)

Link: alright…. Why is the shield still up?

Fangz: there are 5 more seals… dumbass

Joey: well this is gonna be a long chapter…. Oh well we got to go outside

Link: why?

Navi: there is a Fairy Fountain outside that you can only get with your Gold Gauntlets

Joey: yup that pretty much sums it up

Link: well lets go I could use another power… I guess

(everyone goes outside and link falls through the bridge again)

Link: DAAAAAMMMMNNNNIIIITTT (appears next to evryone)

Joey: okay lift this Pillar

Link: alrighty (lifts it up and can barely carry it) ooo haha LOOK AT ME!

Joey: big deal.. .(pick one up with one hand and spins it around on one finger)

Fangz: … show off

Link: -- oh well (flings it behind him and it smashes the Lake Laboratory)

Mike: well lets go in..

(they all go in)

The great fairy comes out

Link: (trying not to laugh) she has pointy boobs too

Joey: okay that jokes getting really old really fast.

Link: screw you

Great Fairy: I shall make it so that the damage you take is cut in half

Link: WHOO HOO

Mike, Fangz, Joey: Damn…..

Joey: alright well now that this is done we gotta go finish the last 5 areas.

Link: alright lets go

( they go back to the castle and link falls through the bridge again….)

Link: okay so witch one next?

Navi: the green room

Joey: (reading the guide) damn she's good…

Link: well lets go

(in the green room)

(they kill the wolfos)

Joey: okay now use dins fire…

Link: okay (does that and somehow lights himself on fire….) AHHHHHHHHHH

Fangz: just go through the door….

Link: fine right after I peel off the dead skin….

(in the next room)

Joey: oh god not this room… I HATE THIS ROOM

Link: umm could you perhaps… use your powers to skip this room…

Joey:… hmmm I hate this room but it's a chance to hurt you…. Hmmm alright fine…. Be happy

Fangz: oh c'mon make him do all this

Joey: sorry but I really hate this room

Fangz: fine….

(they all appear in the next room)

Link: (shoots the Orb thing)

(a door appears)

Joey: that's new.

(door opens and Nick and Saria are playing Cards)

Mike: Nick? How did you get here before us?

Nick: uhhh….

Saria: I shall lift the barrier on the door

(they all teleport to the door again)

Link: okay where to next?

Navi: The Blue Door!

Joey: … Damit Right again

Link: well okay then.

(evryone goes into the Blue door)

Link: (breaks the Icicles and Gets some Blue Fire)

Fangz: wow you didn't have to tell him what to do this time…

Joey: yea… well less work for me

(in the next room)

Navi: Link you have to push the Block so it lines up with with that switch.

Joey: wait link go stand over there (points to the other side of the room)

Link: … okay (walks over to the other side of the room cautiously)

Joey: (pushes the block)

(the block slides over to the other side and smashes link)

Joey: (bursts into uncontrollable laughter)

Link: real funny…. (pushes block)

(Block squishes Navi and lines up with the switch)

Link: Bulls eye! (gets up and trys to press the switch) wtf… why wont it press

Joey: well its been frozen for only god knows how long

Link: (lightbulb above his head) IDEA!

Fangz: IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD! TO THE BUNKERS! (runs off)

Joey: … okay….

Link: (smashes the switch wit the Megaton Hammer) Yay

Navi: now we can go break the Seal

(evryone enters the room)

Link: (shoots the Glowy thing)

(a door appears)

(from inside)

Nick: AHH THE FINS! THEY ARE CUTTING ME!

Joey: Oo

Nick: (comes out) … Link… don't marry her…

Link: I never intended too

Nick:…. Good

Ruto: BYE NICK! (sees Link) oh.. its you… I have released the water barrier… you can go now.

(teleport to the entrance)

Navi: okay red room next

Joey: (sounds pissed off) im wearing my helmet dammit… Link… please…

Link: okay! (eats Navi)

Mike: thank you… she was annoying

Link: not a problem

(they all enter the red room)

Joey: okay just because im lazy.. .and this chapter is too long as it is… (snaps they all teleport ot the door at the other side of the room)

Link: don't I have to get the white rupees

Joey: oh yea… (pulls out the Boomerang from the Wind Waker and tosses it)

(boomerang catches all the rupees and it flys to Link)

Link: (gets nailed in the head with the Boomerang) ow…

Mike: doors open!

(they enter and Link shoots the Glowy thing)

Darunia: Hey Link! I have lifted the Seal on the Barrier… don't think that your out of getting your Goron Hug…

Link: (backs away)

(they teleport to the front room)

Link: whew…

Joey: okay Ligh Room is next… go lift that pillar

Link: (lifts pillar throws it back it bounces off the barrier and lands on Link) oww….

Joey: hehe… okay lets go

(in the light room… Skip all the others… sorry im lazy and don't remember)

Link: (shoots the Barrier)

(teleport to the entrance)

Nick: hi

Joey: What were you and Saria really doing?

Nick: we wer playing a game… you saw me

Joey: I mean AFTER we left…

Nick: we were playing a game…

Joey: that might be more believable if you were wearing pants right now…..

Nick: well uhh… you like my silk boxers?

Joey: theyd be better, if you were WEARING THEM

Nick: oh… yea… (walks off)

Fangz: wait… Wouldn't that be Child Molestation?

Link: where did you come from? And besides Saria is 34…

Nick: (comes back fully dressed) yea im 15.. shes 34.. Child Molestation…

Joey: nick you WILLINGLY went with Saria… in my book that's not molestation…

Nick: whatever... go to the Orange room now…

Joey: (reads guide) Dammit… evryone gets to say it before me….

(in the orange room)

Link: (kills the Beamos) HA don't have to deal with that thing

Fangz: now get all the White Rupees…

Link: (uses the WW Boomerang and gets all the rupees)

Joey: okay NEXT ROOM

(in the next room)

Link: (Kills the Lava Slugs) (and hits the Crystal) I'm getting used to these puzzles (tosses a Bombchu and it hits the other crystal)

Fangz: im worried about link… hes getting too smart…

Joey: I realized that…

(in the next room)

Link: hmm… cobwebs… YAY FIRE TIME! (lights them on fire and sunlight shines in) … How did sunlight get in here when its completely Shrouded in darkness outside… (light bounces off his Mirror Shield and hits the sun symbol) what? Oh I knew that!

Joey: (walks up to link puts his hand on his forehead and a bight flash of light)

Fangz: what did you do to him?

Link: uhh 6?

Joey: hes stupid again

Mike: good…

Link: the door wont open!

Joey: What? (trys the door) its locked…

Nick: (from other side of door) GO AWAY

Joey: GOD DAMMIT NICK! We need to break the medallion barrier thing…

Nick: (slips the medallion under the door)

Joey:… that's not what we need to break… (snaps and the door is unlocked)

(opens door)

Link: oh god…

Fangz: .. are you sure Link should see that?

Joey: … prolly not.. But Link okay do you think you can hit it from here?

Link: yea… (shoots)

Nicks Voice: OOOOWWWWWWIIIEEE

Joey: no no the barrier…. Hes not supposed to know we're here…

Nick: WHAT DO YOU MEAN IM NOT SUPPOED TO KNOW YOU'RE HERE! THERES AND ARROW THROUGH MY TESTICAL!

Link: (shoots the barrier)

(teleport)

Joey: you know Nicks going to find you right?

Link: uh… should I hide? Naa… I don't think so…

Joey: yes WE ARE DONE now to go to Gannons room!

Fangz: YAY… but I need to go throw up first…. (walks off)

Nick: hello…. (kills Link with a BatlleAxe)

Link: (dies)

Joey: okay… that was pointless

Nick: I have discovered something

Link: (revived by fariy) and that is?

Nick: After having 5 women fall in love with him I have come to the conclusion, that Link is in fact... a pimp…

Link: you mean 6 women…

Nick: Impa is not a woman…

Link: no not Impa… Na

Fangz: I am back!

Joey: okay now we can proceed

Link: alrighty lets roll

Joey: hey link you know theres a glitch that if you rolled into the barrier under the bridge that leads to the door you coulda got through the barrier?

Link:… im going to kick your ass

Joey: that would be a good change you kicking ass instead of kissing em' but I don't think you have the balls!

Link:…

Joey: see

Nick: (Wearing Dope Ass Pimp Gear) look what I got

Joey: … NICK! GO GIVE THAT BACK

Nick: why?

Joey: That belongs to BeastBot!

Nick: so?

Joey: -- whatever…

Fangz: are we gonan go into the room or not?

Link: lets go…

(in the next room)

(lizalfos attack link)

Link: (kills both of them)

Joey: … its amazing how stupid he is… yet he can kill almost anything…

Nick: than why do you kill most things for him?

Joey: its fun to blow stuff up.

Nick: yes... yes it is

(in the next room)

(Stalfos knights)

Joey: (Blows them up with a Seeker Missile)

Link: .. I coulda killed em…

(chest appears)

Link: (drools) shiny…. (Opens the chest) oh… The Big Key!

Joey: excellent observation Holmes

Mike: lets keep moving.

(in the next room)

Link: …Iron Knuckles… I hate iron knuckles…

Joey: (snaps and slams them up against the wall and they get suck)

Link: heheh

Joey: okay lets go

Link: this door is kinda big, eh?

(at the room with the Staircase… the long one)

Link: now all we have to do is get to the top?

Joey: duh…

Link: any enemies?

Mike: nope…

Link: k (starts up the stairs)

(hour later)

Link: my god… WHY SO MANYS STAIRS?

Joey: the doors right there…

Link: Finally

To be continued…

Joey: heh you have to wait till next chapter for the fight!

Mike: that's just because your lazy…

Joey: you got a problem with it?

Mike: …

Joey: exactly


	20. Chapter 20

Joey: Alright its time… TO FINISH THIS! I am back! And to those of you readers who leave reviews pointing out that I took lines from LoZ Flash movies… I took 3 whole lines whoop Dee fuckin doo, and I plan on re-writing chapter 8… I think that's the one… so stop wining. It's not like I took the whole flash movie and put it in my story. Ok I'm done ranting…

Mike: We ready to finish this damn story?

Joey: Yes… Lets Rock! Onto the Story!

Mike: we do not own Zelda, Metroid or anything else that's in here that doesn't belong to us! DON'T SUE!

Chapter 20: The Final Battle and more pissing about.

Link: Alright, do we need anything before we go into the door?

Joey: Nope

Nick: Nope

Fangz: Umm where's the Bathroom?

Joey: Umm it's down there (points down a hallway)

Fangz: Thanks (runs down the hallway)

(A half and hour later)

Nick: My god what's taking her soooo long!

Joey: I dunno… hey Nick.

Nick: What?

Joey: Are the speakers hooked up in the bathroom?

Nick: Ehe, I think so.

Joey: (laughs and holds a microphone up) I've always wanted to try this… Hey… Fangz… In the bathroom, yes you… Get… The Fuck… Out… I'll bet it's kind of hard to go with all this pressure on you isn't it!

Justin: I'd think that pressure would make it easier to go…

Nick: Not that kind of pressure Jackass…

Joey: HURRY UP DAMN IT!

Nick: (yells into the Microphone) I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING IN THERE AND IT'S A SIN!

(a loud thud is heard and suddenly fangz jump/tackles nick)

Nick: AHHHH

Fangz: (beats the shit out of nick)

Justin: I DIDN'T HEAR ANY HANDWASHING GOING ON IN THERE!

Nick: (stands up) EWWWW

Fangz: (Evil Grin)

Nick: (now has a black eye)

Joey: (laughs a little) What's with the black eye?

Nick: Is that some kind of comment!

Joey: (sighs) No nick.

Nick: Well I know what I can do so that this won't happen again. (Waves his hand in the air and a holographic Keyboard appears and he types in a bunch of stuff)

Joey: Nick… have you been playing with the Syntax again?

Nick: Ehe the Syn-what?

Joey: The Syntax!

Nick: the What-tax?

Joey: SYNTAX!

Nick: The What-What?

Joey: Syntax JACKASS!

Nick: Ohhh, noooo

(A female voice says God Mode Enabled)

Nick: Ehehe, yes….

Joey: Not again…

Fangz: Again? What happened the last time he played with the syntax?

Justin: (runs by in a pink tutu) HEEELP MEEE!

Nick: (Looks at Fangz)

Fangz: Don't even think about it…

Nick: (laughs)

Fangz: (is now in a pink tutu) You son of a bitch…

Nick: HOLY SHIT! FANGZ IS A GIRL!

Fangz: I will kill you…

Joey: Well your god mode does not matter! I am the Author! I am higher than God! (gets Smitten by the real god) Ow… (his suit lets out a bright flash and it falls to pieces on the floor) Holy Shnikies! That took out all my suits energy in one hit!

Nick: Ehehe God smoked you!

Fangz: HES NOT WEARING HIS SUIT! GET HIM!

Joey: Awwww crap! (runs)

Fangz: (Chases Joey off screen, then screams)

Joey: (Chases her wearing the Master Chief suit)

Justin: (running behind Joey) THAT WAS MINE!

Nick: I feel so left out… I need something cool… I know! (snaps and he is not rideing a giant Wiener Dog) Weeeee

Fangz: (Stops in front of nick and his wiener dog) what the hell?

Nick: Would you like to pet my Wiener?

Fangz: Uhhh no… (walks away)

Nick: ASK ME ABOUT MY WIENER!

Fangz: (Comes back) why haven't we gone into Gannondorf's chamber yet?

Nick: Because the author of this story is ADD…

Joey: (Comes back) Okay… Now I need to fix my suit…

Link: Stop stalling for time and hurry up already…

Joey: Fine! (Picks up his suit and walks off)

Nick: Wow… that was a Huge time filler…

Joey: (Comes back wearing Dark Samus suit) Mwuahaha new stuff

Fangz: That's kind of scary look-in…

Joey: Alright let's go in!

Navi: This is the first time I've spoken!

Link: It's the last time too (eats Navi) let's head in shall we?

(They FINALLY enter Gannondorfs room)

Gannondorf: (playing the Organ)

Link: (steps forward) Gannondorf prepare to die!

Gannondorf: (gets up from the Organ and turns around, and is wearing the Phantom of the Opera mask)

Link: Oh god, you could at least take off the mask!

Gannondorf: (throws the mask off)

Link: What have you done with the Princess!

Gannondorf: Ehehehe, What HAVENT I done with the princess!

Fangz: (Gasps)

Link: YOU DIDN'T!

Joey: YOU LUCKY BASTERD!

(Evryone stares at Joey)

Mike: (Sighs) Humans…

Joey: Umm I mean YOU FIEND!

(A/N that was the part for you people that wont shut up about the flash movie)

Gannondorf: It doesn't matter, these toys are too much for you! (Raises his triforce piece and takes Links Triforce)

Joey: Toys?

Nick: Ehehehe

Link: (draws the Master Sword)

Gannondorf: (Stands there and chuckles)

Link: (Charges at Gannondorf and slashes him with the master sword)

Gannondorf: (laughs as the sword glances off his armor) You cannot harm me!

Link: Damn…

Joey: we may not be able to harm you physically! But we can sure ram your self esteem straight into the ground!

Gannondorf: What?

Nick: LOOK AT HIS BIG NOSE!

Gannondorf: Its not that big…

Nick: Ehehe my wiener was huge in Japan!

Fangz: So is his nose! Even in Texas that nose is Huge!

Gannondorf: That's not nice!

Joey: And why is your skin Green!

Gannondorf: (Starts to cry a little) It's a condition!

Nick: LOOK AT HIS BIG GREEN NOSE!

Gannondorf: (Kneels to the ground and crys)

Joey: Link! Now!

Link: (Slashes gannondorf several times)

Gannondorf: (spits out blood and falls to the floor as the walls and ceiling dissolve)

Link: Whoa… that's kinda cool…

Zelda: (lands on the floor)

Link: Zelda!

Zelda: Link! Do you know how long I was stuck there with him! And what he did to me!

Link: Sorry for the lack of caring at the moment.

Zelda: You prick…

(the tower starts shaking)

Link: What the hell?

Zelda: Gannondorf! With his last breath hes trying to bring down the tower around us!

Joey: We are on top of the tower, how will it come down around us!

Zelda: Shut up! We have to get out of here!

(Everyone runs down the ramp and Zelda Unlocks the door and they go inside)

Joey: NOW the tower can fall down around us!

Zelda: (Unlocks the door) Lets go!

(They go in and Zelda gets trapped in a ring of fire)

Joey: (shoots the two stalfos as soon as the jump in)

(the fire disappears and they run through the next door)

Link: (gets hit with one of the falling rocks) OWW

Zelda: (Whines then covers her face)

Joey: Oh god (picks up Zelda) LETS GO

Nick: Wow this is one long last breath! (looking down at the ground avoiding the shadows as he walks)

(they make it to the final door which is locked)

Joey: (sets down Zelda) Unlock the door!

Zelda: (starts to cast the spell then is hit with a falling rock and falls to the floor unconscious)

Nick: (holding Link over his head using him as a shield)

Fangz: What are we going to do?

Nick: Stand back! Ill use my Blackness! (Steps back then kicks down the steel door)

Joey: You just kicked down a steel door!

Nick: Yea isn't it great?

(They make it out of the tower just as it collapses)

Joey: Wow, if it weren't for nick we would have never made it.

Nick: Well, Zelda Link and Fangz wouldn't have made it

Joey: That's what I meant!

Zelda: (regains consciousness) Gannondorf… he's finally finished… With his hatred and Evil he couldn't control the power of the Triforce.

(the grounds Shakes)

Zelda: Link! Go check it out!

Link: Why me?

Joey: Because you're the hero…

Nick: (laughs) Yea… Hero…

Link: (walks up to the pile of rubble) Hmmm

Gannondorf: (Bursts up from the rubble, breathing heavily)

Nick: Last breath! My ass!

Joey: Yea. Link! Aim for the throat next time!

Gannondorf: (raises his triforce piece and morphs into Gannon)

Link: (raises his sword)

Gannon: (knocks it out of Links hand)

Link: Son of a Bitch!

(the wall of fire goes up around everybody)

Link: I need some help here!

Joey: (walks through the fire) What do you need?

Link: … Help killing Him!

Joey: Nick! Help Link!

Nick: (looks at the fire wall) they are going to have to make it higher than that! Stand back ill use my blackness! (Does a matrix jump over the fire wall)

Joey: (watching nick) why is he the only one going in Slow Motion?

Link: (getting Pwned by gannon)

Joey: Oh yea, I should help shouldn't I? (Shoots Gannon straight in the face with the Light Beam)

Gannon: (reels back and roars as the fire wall lowers)

Link: (limps over and picks up the master sword)

Joey: Hand me the master sword.

Link: (hands Joey the master sword)

Joey: (puts the master sword in his arm cannon and shoots it at Gannon)

Gannon: (Gets hit in the throat and the firewall lowers again)

Zelda: (casts the spell that holds Gannon in place) Link! Thrust it into the Demons head! I cant hold him for long!

Joey: (looks at the sword in Gannon's throat) I don't think he really needs to be held in place…

(a "Zipper sound is heard")

Zelda: (looks at link) Not with that you idiot! Your SWORD!

Link: ooohhhh (Zips up his pants) Sorry… (Removes the sword from Gannon's throat and stabs him straight in the forehead)

Nick: (Lands on the ground finally) alright where is he?

Joey: Hes dead already, jackass.

Nick: Oh… I probably shouldn't have milked that landing so much…

Gannondorf: (falling into the nothingness) Curse you Link! Curse you Zelda! Curse you Joey! Curse you Nick!

Nick & Joey: (walk up next to gannondrof)

Gannondorf: CURSE YOU FANG-

Joey: Umm gannondorf… why are you flailing around on the floor like a fish?

Gannondorf: Umm (stands up) I was exercising…

Nick: Suuurree….

Gannondorf: One more One more… (drops to his knees) CURSE YOU TELEMARKETERS!

Joey: Telemarketers?

Gannondorf: Yes, they always call during dinner!

Nick: Whatever…

Joey: Well we really got nothing else to do, can we hang out here with you?

Gannondorf: I don't see why not…

Nick: Sweet… Can I order some Pizza?

Gannondorf: Yea sure its on speed dial.

Nick: (presses speed dial and listens for a moment then starts laughing) Gannon! Your Speed dial dials a Sex Hotline! AHAHAHAHAHAHA

Gannondorf: umm use Speed dial 2…

Nick: IT'S A GAY Hotline!

Joey: I now officially know too much…But before we come back here we got to go bug link some more!

Nick: What? Nooo

Joey: There's a party going on at Lon Lon ranch, I plan on making an appearance.

Nick: Eh, ill go too then.

(In the clouds with Link and Zelda, Joey and Nick suddenly appear)

Zelda: Well, this is the end…

Link: yea… these clouds probably won't hold us forever…

Zelda: Not that you idiot. You must return to when you we're a child and give me the ocarina.

Link: (gropes himself) Noo… can I at least stay for the party tonight?

Zelda: Fine, one night for the party.

Joey: Oh no… he's going to show up…

(At the Lon Lon ranch)

Nick: Didn't Nintendo promise an Orgy after this game?

Joey: Yea, but we are in the American version.

Nick: Why do Censors have ruin everything… well can I bring booze?

(A/N That was one more, because I couldn't come up with a better line for nick)

Joey: It's the American version, it's alright.

Nick: Nay! Sweet!

Joey: Nay? What are you a horse now?

Nick: (thinks for a second and grins then chuckles to himself) Eheh nooo, that's just too easy… (Brings booze and they all get drunk and the orgy happens anyways)

(Hours later, in the tower at the back of the ranch)

Fangz: Alright I brought it (holds up a small plastic baggie)

Joey: Where'd you get it?

Fangz: Ingo is loaded with the stuff.

Nick: (Walks in pushing a wheelbarrow full of weed) Alright! Who wants to get fucked up!

Link: The Butt!

(Everyone backs away from Link accept Fangz)

Fangz: What? He can't do anything to me! (Points at Link)

Link: Yea I can… I could fuck you.

Fangz: Alright 2 reasons you can't do that. One you don't even know what the word Fuck means… and 2… Saria stole your boy parts!

Link: They aren't "Boy Parts" They're (tries to deepen his voice) "Man Parts"

(Everyone falls over laughing at link)

Fangz: Come back when you grow some pubes!

Link: (starts crying)

Nick: I have pubes! So… what are you doing tonight?

Fangz: Nothing that involves you (walks off)

(Later)

(At the Temple of Time)

Link: (puts the master sword in place and time Shifts back 7 years)

Link: Well I got to wait 7 more years to get those back (gropes himself)

Navi: (Some how got out of link and flies up to the window) GOODBYE FOREVER FUCKERS!

End Chapter 20

Joey: Well it's finally complete I feel so accomplished! Its been a good 4 years hahaha Don't worry more stories will come! EVENTUALLY! And I only took a few parts just like I said, its not like I took the whole movie and made it my fic, just a couple lines that I couldn't pass up…

Mike: Leave a review! No Flames!

Joey: And one more thing I would like to take a poll of who is your favorite character in my story so let me know in your reviews who are your fav. Alright I'm outta here!

THE END! FINALY!


End file.
